Sexual Purity: Part 2 - "Dear Pornography, you're dead to me. Sincerely, Not Yours."

Hi guys, this is Part 2. Check out the Intro and Part 1 before reading on!

It's often a lot easier to win battles when the war has already been won. Today let's have a look at Romans 6:5-14. I'm going to throw some emphasis in there.

5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^a that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

8Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

He's helping you to see yourself in a new way...

If you're a Christian today and you've trusted Jesus to save you from your sin, congratulations! You're dead. But alive. But dead. Confused? Paul says we're dead to sin but alive to God. Being alive to God means we have something we're living for and it's Him. I'm convinced that one of the keys to living a life free from the trap of pornography is grasping this great bit of scripture. Jesus never sinned. Sin never had mastery of Him. Jesus was so submitted to the will of His Father and so overcome by love for people that He didn't have space for sin in His heart. Paul is saying the opposite to what I often hear from people who struggle with any type of sin but particularly this one. In verse 11 he basically says "Ok this is how I want you to think. Imagine how dead Jesus was to sin. Ok. Have you got it in your mind? Great! That's how dead to sin you are and no less." So why don't we think like that?

Often we refer to ourselves as "Sinners saved by grace." Personally I have a problem with this term or at least the way it's often used. I think sometimes when we say this we're actually giving ourselves an excuse for sinning. It puts us down as "sinners" instead of Saints. I can't remember who said it but I know someone has said "If you believe you're a sinner then you'll sin by faith." Please wait and calm down! I'm not saying I or anyone else doesn't sin but I'm pointing out what I believe is an important point even though it may just seem like it's all about words. Whenever Paul writes to the believers in the New Testament, he seems to refer to them as the saints or the "holy ones" and I think this is something to pay attention to and copy. Paul doesn't address the believers as the sinners they were but the saints they had become so that that would form the basis of their new identity. Now it would be strange for them if they sinned because they weren't slaves to sin. Another unknown source simply says that it's normal to sin if you're not a Christian because you're a slave to sin but if you sin as a Christian, you're just stupid! Haha!

Now that we know God and His salvation, we can make far more informed choices when presented with temptation. As I mentioned in my testimony the choice to look at pornography again after knowing the new depth of closeness and intimacy with God just seemed foolish to me and I'd have been stupid to lack myself in a prison I just got released from! I believe this is so important to catch! It's all about Romans 12:2 and getting our way of thinking renewed. We wouldn't have to renew our minds if we didn't have wrong ways of thinking already established. I think one of the reasons we fail to grab a hold of Romans 6 is because it doesn't always line up with our experience. "But dude I don't feel dead to sin, I feel REALLY alive to it! It's on my mind all the time." Guess what? His truth trumps your experience! If you and God disagree, someone is wrong...it's not Him. Sometimes reading what the Bible doesn't say can be almost as helpful as reading what it does say. Verse 11 does not say count yourselves dead to temptation, it says count yourselves dead to sin! Think about that! Temptation is not sin. Dead things don't respond. At all. Being dead to sin as about not responding to the call of temptation.

The phrase "Sinners saved by grace" can also get us to a place where we abuse the grace of God and assume that He is ok with us sinning because Jesus' blood has covered it. WRONG!!! Yes Jesus' death totally obliterated our sin but His resurrection also empowered us to resist the devil. Ever heard that verse? Resist the devil and he will flee from you? Me too. Except it's incomplete.

James 4:7 says: "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

Get alone with God and stare into His eyes!

We can resist the devil not just because we died to sin with Christ but because we were raised to a life with God in Him as well! We have a new appetite for God and the more we feed on Him the more our appetite for sin dries up and dies! Think about it! You LOVE it when God speaks to you or you feel His presence. You LOVE it when God uses you to minister to or love someone. That feels good and right and natural to you doesn't it? You LOVE it because you're alive to God! Right now try not to think about Superman...oops! There he is flying through your mind in his red and blue! The way our mind works means that sitting around thinking about not watching porn isn't going to bring us victory. Worshipping and adoring God and meditating on the near-hilarious victory Jesus won over sin and death will make porn boring. SERIOUSLY!! Make a playlist of your favourite worship songs and take time in the day to just aim them straight at His heart and belt them out!

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you and He will reveal the truth of Jesus' victory to your heart as you praise God and read His Word. Sometimes God delivers someone of an addiction in a moment and that is a beautiful miracle that I want to see more often. However, often we get free from addiction as gradually as we got hooked in. Day by day we devote our mind to the Lord and He renews it. Mike Bickle gives a fantastic talk on how to fellowship with the Holy Spirit and how He changes us from the inside out. It's also good to have other people to remind you of who you are because sometimes we forget and fall for the tricks. I have a few friends who text me when they're struggling with lust and battle it with what the Word says about them! This is powerful! You should get a friend who knows God, knows you and knows the Word and partner up with them!

Instead of "Sinners saved by grace" I think we should call ourselves "Saints Made Holy by the Blood of Jesus and the Power of God." It's not about forgetting where He's brought us from but rejoicing in what He has brought us into! I believe this focus and understanding of what Jesus has done will really help you in your battle. Remember, He has already won the ultimate victory for you. The battle is the Lord's and He will protect you as you fight on. 

Thanks so much for reading. Let me know your thoughts. Part 3 coming soon!

Sexual Purity: Part 1 - The Awkward Moment When Watching Porn Doesn't Make You a Man

Welcome to Part 1 of the Series. Please have a read of the Intro before you go any further!

     The first author I want to share with you goes by the name John Eldredge. He wrote a book called Wild at Heart which describes the way a man carries the wounds of his heart and how he responds to the world. John talks about how a man's heart is made to live passionately but a combination of wounds and disappointments he picks up during childhood, his own sin and the structure of society can rob him of that passion.* What's that got to do with pornography you ask? Well let's hear a little from Mr Eldredge:

     "If a man does not find those things for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other way. Why is pornography the number one snare for men? He longs for the beauty, but without his fierce and passionate heart he cannot find her or win her or keep her. Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he does not know how to fight for her or even that he IS to fight for her. Rather, he finds her mostly a mystery that he knows he cannot solve and so at a soul level he keeps his distance. And privately, secretly, he turns to the imitation. What makes pornography so addictive is that more than anything else in a lost man's life, it makes him FEEL like a man without ever requiring a thing of him. The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a real woman, the more vulnerable he is to porn." - Wild at Heart

     Sorry lads but I'm gonna have to rat us out to the ladies reading now.  Most boys (not all) continually feel like their masculinity is under question, so because they're not convinced that they're a "real man", they feel like they have to do things to prove it to themselves and to others. They may not be thinking in their brain "Stand back everyone! I must prove to all that I'm a MAN!" But if you could ask a man's heart directly why he does what he does, you'd probably make some interesting discoveries. Sir Eldredge (yes I've knighted him, read the book and you'll see why) says that there is a question that haunts every man's soul. It's right on the surface and clear for some but deep down, buried and hidden to others. That question is simply any variation of "Have I got what it takes?". It's a question of strength, ability, skill and effectiveness. Any situation that might give a negative answer they will automatically shy away from it and give excuses e.g. "Oh that's for girls, I don't like playing football, I just think it's boring."

     John is basically saying that pornography is a coward's route to sexual intimacy. The woman on the screen is under his control. He doesn't have to commit to her, he doesn't have to romance her, he doesn't have to respect her, he doesn't have to be vulnerable with her, he doesn't have to listen to her, he doesn't have to cater to her needs, he doesn't even have to talk to her! He can just use her to satisfy himself and be done with her. His strength and masculinity will never be called into question. She will never reject him. In fact the woman on the screen will probably tell him how great he is and how happy he makes her. 

     Let me take a moment to address some questions to the gents reading this. Have a look at your life. Are you drawing a sense of accomplishment from pornography? Do you brag about it to your friends? Does it make you feel like a man? Does it make you feel powerful? Let's go a little deeper. Maybe you don't actually have an issue with pornography, that's great! But are you using your relationships with women to make you feel like a man? Do you try and see how many girls you can get to like you at once? Have you ever broken up with a girl first because you thought she would dump you? Do you feel intimidated, threatened or invalidated around confident and independent women? 

     If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a boy who hasn't had his question answered and is taking it around as a little survey to God's daughters. You may be a dude who doesn't know what it's like to live passionately from your heart so you pretend not to care about anything because it's easier. You may appear confident on the outside but are actually a guy who is inwardly, desperately needing to be validated. God the Father wants to answer that question for you and seal up the holes in your heart with His love. If that last sentence made you squirm, I'm talking to you sir! I recommend you buy John's book. If you're a young man and can't afford it but really want it, contact me and I'll gladly get a hold of it for you.

More on that next time.
Thank you for reading!

End Notes
*Many of John's points are applicable to men and women but the book is written for men in general.

Sexual Purity: Introduction - So Let's Talk About Porn...

     In the last few years the issue of pornography has come to the surface a lot both in the Church and in the world. As I learned that I was one of apparently a small percentage of Christian guys who'd fought a porn addiction and come out the other side I decided to post my testimony online to encourage some folks. So I did. That was pretty terrifying, not gonna lie. The response was amazing and made something that was really scary a lot easier so special thanks to all who contacted me! I love you :-) Since then I've felt the need to cut a bit further into this taboo topic and share some more practical insights into the dangers of porn and getting free from it while developing closer intimacy with God. This series is likely to be the longest so far and I hope to be able to provide you with helpful statistics, resources, authors, Bible verses and guest speakers from youtube to help you. Whether you're struggling personally or you have a loved one who is, I want to equip you to experience freedom from the grip of porn addiction as well as restore a passion for sexual purity to your life in body and mind. Whether you're a boy or a girl, a man or a woman, single or married, I want to share principles that will help you to walk free! I hope you're excited, because I am!!

P.S if you're not a Christian and you're wondering why I'm making such a big deal out of this, feel free to read along with the posts and you'll see!

Here's Part 1, just for you!!

What the Heck is Holiness? - Part 1: The Power of Porn!

     Hi guys, so I was exposed to stuff of a sexual nature from an early age through television and school and first saw a pornographic magazine at the age of 10. YIKES!! Here we go folks, we're going deep with this post!! Please don't let this opening line scare you off. I'm going to be really real and honest here in the hopes that what I have to share will put peace in some people's hearts and set them free while bringing a gracious challenge to others in the lifestyle of a Christian. I'll share personal experience from my own life all the way through as well as truth from the Bible and I'll try to say quite a lot in this post so please don't tune out. I'll be real but not to the point of being crude. This isn't at all easy for me to share, particularly on a public forum and hey maybe it will change how some people feel about me but I've waited a long time before putting this out and I know it's necessary for me to share so it's ok ; ) I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me grace to write and that He'll give you grace to read and hear what I believe He has to say. Ready? Still with me? Awesome, thank you, let's go!! : )

     So I first saw a pornographic magazine at the age of 10 (which is apparently only a year earlier than the average young person in the West) and this opened a door to a new world of temptation and sin. Bad times. Two years later while away at a youth camp I committed my life to loving and serving the Jesus who died to remove me from my sins and give me His new life. It was a beautiful experience, walking in this new connection with God, knowing His heart and His delight towards me. However, the following 6 years for me were a serious battle against lust and pornography. Getting a computer in our house certainly didn't help! With my parents out of the house I'd just get lost in this thing. I became very clever at covering up my tracks. If I was on the computer and alone it seemed like it was inevitable*. I felt so helpless against it. In my spirit it definitely wasn't what I wanted to be doing or giving my mind to but there's a reason Paul told Timothy to "Flee YOUTHFUL passions..." (2Timothy 2:22a) and not just general passions. Youthful passions are powerful and unrelenting! Guilt and shame would descend upon me every time making me feel unfit to go to God. This is one of the enemy's favourite tactics against us! If he can get us to believe we're unwelcome in the presence of God, we won't go to Him but He is the one who heals us and forgives us and strengthens us to resist temptation. When we don't understand this we try fighting the devil on our own and it's just embarrassing! We forget the first part of James 4:7 and simply try to resist the devil without submitting ourselves to God first. It's hard to submit yourself to God when you feel like He doesn't even want to look at you! It's a clever tactic but knowing it definitely helps us.

     At the age of 15 I was asked to start helping to teach the youth (who were aged 11-17) on Sundays in my church. I was really excited about this but I was still up and down with this inner struggle. Sometimes I'd go weeks or months without giving in but then would fall back into it. Of course the devil had an absolute field day with my heart. John tells us that it's in walking in the light that we allow God to cleanse us from sin (1John 1:5-10) but the devil lives in the darkness of secret sin and he will happily kick our heads in all day if we stay there with him, continually whispering, "You call yourself a Christian? No one else has this problem. How can God love you when you do this? How can God use you when you do this? You're a hypocrite." So there's me leading young people, trying to be an example, trying to be a role model while being utterly torn apart on the inside. Riddled with guilt and shame. Maybe you've been there or somewhere similar. Let me tell you about the grace of God though. Through all of this stuff I found that God would still speak to me! I found that He would still use me to speak to others! I can't tell you how humbling it is to know the love and grace of God in the middle of sinning! He remains faithful in all circumstances (2Timothy 2:13) because His faithfulness was never dependent on me! He was faithful before I was born and He'll be faithful after I'm dead, it's who He is!!

     The devil wanted to condemn me but the Holy Spirit wanted to convict me. I began to become aware of the heart of God towards pornography. Thoughts of how lost the people on the screen were flooded my heart. The heart of our Father for His daughters who'd wandered so far from Him and His love pressed heavily on me. This was not ok. Kris Vallotton gives the best description of the difference between condemnation and conviction that I've heard in his book** so let me share it with you. He says that condemnation is from the devil and will always equate you with your sin e.g. you sinned, you're a sinner. You lied, you're a liar etc etc. The goal of condemnation is to convince you that you are what you do. If it's successful, the devil can leave you alone because you'll only ever act out who you believe you are and you'll continue in these cycles of sin, driving you further from your relationship with the Lord. Conviction however is from the Holy Spirit and conviction basically says "You're way too awesome to be acting like that! That's not who you are any more. Why settle for that?" Conviction comes with the power to change, condemnation robs you of that power! I started to feel more of the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I knew I didn't want to live my life like this. After occasions of giving in, I started to find the strength to go before God and speak to Him and cry out for forgiveness and deliverance. Leading a double life is not healthy for anyone. I started to set targets for myself with agreements between me and God. I'd say for 2 weeks I'm not going to look at anything dodgey on the internet or even  anything slightly dodgey on TV e.g. music videos (remember the good old days when people wore clothes in music videos? Good times.) and the fear of the Lord combined with His conviction and grace carried me through those weeks. Obviously this wasn't a permanent solution and something else was needed.

     When I was 18, Lent came around. To be honest I didn't even really know what Lent was up until then but I heard it's 40 days when people give stuff up. I made my decision. 40 days, no porn, just prayer. At the time there was also a girl in my life, a previous girlfriend who really wasn't doing my heart any good either so I added in that I wouldn't contact her either during this time. I wanted to get free of things that were hindering me in my relationship with Him. So for 40 days I steered clear of any images that might compromise my promise and I just prayed and spent time with God while of course going to school and doing usual day to day stuff. Towards the end before the 40 days were even over, this thought passed through my mind: "The time is almost up then you can look at stuff again." The thought of trading this amazing new and fresh intimacy with God for anything else was actually hilarious! I think I actually laughed out loud! Hahaha!! VICTORY!!! When the 40 days were over I can't describe to you the level of freedom I felt but most of all I was walking in this new unbroken communion with God because my conscience was clear before Him. John tells us in 1John 3 that there is something incredible about being able to stand in His presence with a pure conscience, a heart set at rest, with confidence because we know that we're doing His will (1John 3:19-22). I can't describe this feeling to you but it was delicious!! HAHA!! The desire to even look at anything like that had completely left me and been replaced with a desire to walk closer with God. My journey didn't stop there however, God had more He wanted to teach me.

Thanks for reading friends, that's the end of Part 1. I hope it's helping you. Whether it's sexual sin you've struggled with or something else that has left you feeling far from God, or whether you're not a Christian at all and have felt like you can't possibly live the Christian life, please continue to read this mini series. It's really not about us and our ability, it's about Jesus and His power to save, deliver and heal us and make us more like Himself. It's about us answering the call to walk closely with God and leave our dirt and shame behind. It's about allowing the strength of His love for us to break the chains of our sin. Let the dark power of porn dissolve in the light of His love. Come as you are and let Him do the rest!

End Notes
* By the grace of God I never struggled with masturbation at all throughout the battle against lust and porn. That in itself is a miracle! Haha!

**Moral Revolution: The Naked Truth About Sexual Purity by Kris Vallotton. Buy it! - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moral-Revolution-Naked-Sexual-Purity/dp/0768438632/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375186402&sr=1-1&keywords=moral+revolution

I also just want to honour my Mum and Dad for being good parents and working so hard to provide for me and my brother. Mum I know you'll probably read this so I want to say thank you for continuing to encourage me in the Lord so I could come out with this testimony of His faithfulness! You continue to inspire me.



Part 2