The Naked Bride

     Welcome to all who came for the controversial blog title! Since you’re here... Picture the scene. It’s Sunday morning. You’ve not had the best of weeks. You fell into that sin you said you’d stay away from and you’re feeling the emotional effects of it. Your faith in God is feeling more and more uncertain. Someone comes up and asks you how you are. What do you say? Or let’s try this one. A special guest speaker visits your church. They’re a big time evangelist. They share all the intimate details of their drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll testimony, how God reached in and pulled them out of thick darkness into light and restored them. There’s not a dry eye in the house. 

     In the Church it has somehow become unacceptable for us to have problems. Getting dressed in your Sunday best must include the “Sunday Smile” that assures everyone that everything is great and you’re going from glory to glory! We blurt out the "God is good" and the "I'm just trusting God brother"* while we cry inside. We celebrate testimonies about trials and struggles of various kinds but the story cannot be shared until the final battle is fought and won. I believe this attitude is crippling the Bride of Christ.

     To the rest of the Western World, the Church has often been recognised as a beacon of judgementalism, double-standards and hypocrisy and I think this is part of the problem. Somewhere along the line we've instilled fear into people that comes from judgement and we've forgotten 1John 4:18 which says: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” Although we desperately need help when we’re struggling or things aren't going well, fear keeps us from coming clean. It may be fear of being judged by members of the church, fear of being punished by leaders or fear of losing the appearance of being a Super-Christian. Whatever. Ultimately our actions are being dictated by fear and that is not a healthy way to live.

     The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and of knowledge (Proverbs 9:10; Proverbs 1:7) and it should be foundationalto our lives. The deepest awe and respect for the power and authority of God should guide us through life and the decisions we make. I've talked with some friends lately about what it means to fear the Lord. Is it just about respect? Is it about being afraid? Although I think there are elements of both in there we found two quotes really helpful: 

"The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty lion it chases all other fears away."

"The one who is afraid of the Lord stays away. The one who fears the Lord stays close." 

     1John encourages not to allow fear to keep us away from God but actually to draw us to Him. He is the One who forgives, cleanses and heals us! It's like getting shot but staying away from the hospital because they will want to remove the bullet and clean and dress the wound! In the Church we often trip each other up in this area because we don't act like God. When someone makes a mistake we can be so quick to judge them or keep them at arm's length and make them feel like an outcast. We we're the one who made the mistake we can be quick marginalise ourselves because we don't feel worthy to be in community and certainly not to be in the presence of God.

     I think we’re forgetting the kinds of people Jesus hung out with. I'm not just talking about the “sinners”, look at the disciples! They had issues with anger and problems with greed. They were elitist and argumentative. James and John had homicidal thoughts (Luke 9:54), Peter was always ready with something stupid to say (read any of the gospels!) and Judas was a thief and... well...you know. 

There was a level of openness and honesty that Jesus had with the disciples that we need to see more in the Church today. Think about it. Think about how you behave when your church leaders are around. If any of us were hanging around Jesus we'd be on our best behaviour trying so hard not to slip up! There's something about the presence of Jesus that brings out the best in you - to be celebrated as well as the worst in you - to be corrected. They felt so free to be themselves around him that their faults would be exposed and when they were, in His love, He would either gently point them in the right direction or outright rebuke them and then they could make changes in their lives and carry on. Jesus says that when as little as two or three Christians gather together in His name, His presence is made known (Matt 18:20). We should expect to encounter the same freedom as the disciples when we meet certainly when we meet with God and also when we meet with other believers but for a lot of us, sadly that isn't the case.

     There’s two sides to this problem. On the one hand I think we can be quite wimpy when it comes to being corrected. This is a particular area of struggle for me. Sometimes I can be so insecure and so immature that when someone challenges me on sinful attitudes and practices I take it personally and distance myself or maybe even rebel against them (Proverbs 9:8). “Who do they think they are telling me that when they do this?!” or “What I do is none of their business!” or "They don't really understand the situation!" We even sometimes use Scripture to justify ourselves! 

On the other hand we suck at rebuking each other in love! We see correction as a duty we must fulfil in order to be right with God. We're just trying to purge the sin from among us Old Testament style and I think this is a mistake. While the Bible tells us to bring correction into each other’s lives we must remember that it is for our mutual benefit as the Church. As a community. So all of our rebuking has to come from a place of love. That’s how He does it (Rev 3:19). Without love we end up hurting people and causing them to react badly. I had a priceless friend as a teenager who would come to me and say something like “You know I'm for you and not against you right?” I’d then brace myself because I knew some loving correction was soon to follow and I'd take a shot in the pride. I truly knew she loved and valued me and wanted me to grow in God so I was happy to hear what she had to say. I've written a longer blog about this which you can find here: http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/taking-hit.html

     Isolation is one of the devil’s main weapons against Christians. Whether it’s physically or emotionally the devil wants to get you alone. Secret sin is a massive killer of Christians because it cuts you off from the life-giving love and restoring forgiveness Jesus has instilled in the Church (John 20:23). I believe that something we NEED to see appearing in the Church now is an increase in openness and acceptance amongst believers. I'm NOT saying we all have pity parties where we confess sin to each other and pat each other on the back. NO! Instead what is needed is a greater revelation of our own sin against God and God’s forgiveness for us (which will keep us from trying to judge anyone else) an increase in supernatural love for each other so that our seeds of correction find good soil and a deeper understanding of community that leads to us supporting each other through the tough times that are real until we’re made whole. Finding people who will constantly speak our true identity over us and remind us of who Christ has made us is vital as well as taking up Paul's charge from 1Thessalonians 5:16-18. We should be celebrating the testimonies all the way through the process, not just at the end!

     Let’s get back to His original intention. Mankind was created to be naked in their relationship with God, vulnerable, honest and without shame. That's how we're supposed to be..but definitely with clothes!  If Jesus isn't ashamed of us, we shouldn't be ashamed of ourselves. (Hebrews 2:11)

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments!

End Notes

*A lot of us have been taught the principle of "positive confession" i.e. speaking positively in the midst of negative situations. I think that this is a powerful tool when used correctly but it is a principle, not a magic formula that fixes problems. If we're not careful, we develop a culture of positive confession that actually becomes a culture of lies because we no longer share the truth of what is happening with each other which cuts us off from each other. Positive confession should either come from faith (believing what God has already told you) or it should stir faith in you. It is not a substitute for faith. 

Sexual Purity: Part 3 - Redefining Pornography

If you haven't already checked out the Intro, Part 1 or Part 2, please do before reading on!

     Hi, thanks for coming back! This blog series is mostly written for Christians who love God and want to live lives of extravagant worship with a Saviour who gave everything so that we could live free from sin and alive to God but are currently tangled in cycles of compromise with pornography and masturbation. This post is not designed to judge or condemn anyone or to be legalistic and constricting so please know that as you read through but I'll be straight with you, this is going to sound pretty extreme and I'm totally aware of that! I want to share about a journey that I've been on myself that has brought me a lot of peace while helping you to think about your own daily habits. I do not have all the answers! Haha! Sometimes I think we choose to live at a lower standard than what the Bible and the Holy Spirit's conviction tells us simply because we think we're doing a bit better than the world or others. I'm convinced that the standard of life God has called us to looks radically different from where we've gotten so far so if you're keen to keep moving forward, please read on! I hope this post will challenge you and remind you of the standard set by Jesus, not by me. 

     Personally I don't think enough of us struggle with lust. Many of us have just given up the struggle and made room for it in our lives keeping it as a pet we think is well-trained. During the time I was trapped in the cycle of internet pornography** I could be found watching 18+ movies on TV like American Pie and raunchy (couldn't think of a less old-fashioned word...) RnB music videos while wondering why I just couldn't seem to get free from porn. I was filling my ears with catchy songs about sex while feasting on a diet of dodgey adverts and still wondering why I couldn't get free from porn. Part of the problem was, I had such a low aim and a narrow view of pornography! When I took the 40days with God away from porn, I told Him I that not only would I not look at internet pornography, I also wouldn't look at anything sexually arousing on TV either (not nearly as difficult as these days). I believe this is part of what brought breakthrough in my life at the time and so I've come to the conclusion that porn isn't just pictures and videos of naked people on the internet. So what is porn? Let's ask the smart books.

Definitions
     Let's check out some dictionary definitions: Oxford Dictionary defines it as: "Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement." Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as: "movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement." and lastly Collins Dictionary defines it as: "writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement." They're all pretty much the same right? A summary definition of pornography would basically be: "Stuff that is designed to turn you on."

Sex Sells 

     We all know that the advertising and marketing industry depends heavily on sex appeal in order to sell products and society is becoming more and more ok with that. Music videos, television commercials, magazines and movies showcase the naked or near-naked bodies of men and women pretty blatantly to the point where most of us no longer even notice. It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing. You can watch an advert about tooth-decay today and still see a naked woman! The advertising and marketing industry is taking something given to us by God* (our sex drive, see Genesis 1:28) and abusing it in order to sell us things that we don't need while reducing our value for true sexual intimacy and even for each other. We're told that being "sexy" and promiscuous is the same as being powerful. That's nonsense. The Evolution of the Swimsuit video by Jessica Rey addresses that topic way better than I could with the space I have in this post.

     Have you noticed how most of the major sitcoms and drama series on TV have sexual activity either implied or graphically described in pretty much every episode? Let's take the classic show "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" for example. Calm down! I know you probably love it and watched it for like 10 years just like me but let's think about it. Over the years they all pretty much managed to turn sleeping around into a sport and at times you found yourself cheering on the characters who were trying to pin down a mate! We get so sucked in that we actually do a 360 on our morals! If you told your Christian mates that you don't watch Friends because it's too sexual they'd look at you like you're crazy right?! You might say "But come on man, it's just a TV show." Ok, ok let me carry on. I've never seen the apparently chart-topping "Game of Thrones" that came from a book series that some would probably call a literary masterpiece but I've commonly heard it described as "Lord of the Rings...but with boobs" and I'm told there are pretty graphic sex scenes throughout the show. I actually first heard about the show from Christians and was just plain confused about why they were watching it. You might say "But come on bro, it's really good quality TV, it's not all bad..." Ok, ok just stick with me.

     There was a pretty wide-spread outcry in the Church and the world when "50 Shades of Grey" hit the bookshelves with a lot of people calling it "Porn for Women" as people say that women tend to be more turned on by mental fantasy than visual images and so books like 50 Shades and others like it are said to do for woman what porn magazines do for men. I'm not making a comment on that right now, I'm just identifying another medium where sexual arousal is being fed into society as a commodity that can be bought and sold. There are plenty of other books and book series that have sexual themes running through them that aren't as in-your-face as 50 Shades of Grey "So those ones are ok, right bro?" Keep reading friend :-) From video games to board games, from trashy novels to comic books, sex is being fired at us pretty much wherever we look for entertainment. What is really scary is how normal it all is now. Think about it. How many songs do you hear on the radio today that don't have lyrics that include some variation of "I want you" or "Let's go back to your/my place"?

Heart Porn

     So what's my point? Before I tell you, let's have a look at something Jesus said in Matthew 5:8: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." The implication is that the impure in heart, won't. Ask yourself these questions: Does your desire to watch what you watch, read what you read and listen to whatever you listen to come from a pure heart i.e. the heart of God in you? Do you seek out and enjoy things that you know are considered risqué or naughty? Do you have to find "redeeming features" in the things you enjoy to justify enjoying them to yourself and others? Do you struggle with lust? Are you currently forming clever excuses in your head about everything you've read so far? Your answers to these questions may be uncomfortable for you but I pray that you will have the courage not to tune out but to stand honestly before Jesus to let Him run those blazing eyes over your heart and tell you what He sees. He loves you y'know. 

     I've been reading through the Sermon on the Mount with some friends lately and over and over Jesus emphasises that sin is not all about outward actions but also the intentions of the heart. It's not determined by external circumstances but internal realities. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus drops another bomb and tells us that the sin of lust begins in the intentions of the heart and the direction of the eyes. Even though Jesus talks about a dude, ladies this is for you too. On the basis of this attitude to sin I believe that Pornography is not only stuff designed to turn you on but also any form of entertainment we indulge in with the intent to be sexually aroused. This isn't me laying down a law or anything, I'm just making a really plain statement to  help us all - including myself - to submit our motives to the Holy Spirit. Sin isn't something that can be forced on you, it's something that you choose and so just because society doesn't call something pornography, doesn't mean that to you, it isn't. I guess I'm saying that a lot of us probably watch porn everyday. I'm saying that for one person a comic book is a fun and colourful storybook but for another person, due to the busty blondes or spandex-clad dudes, it's porn. I'm saying that sitting round a TV talking about how sexy an actor is probably isn't doing you good. I'm saying that we're not called to take part in the deeds of darkness, we're supposed to expose them (Ephesians 5:11). 

Why Does This Matter?

     For those of us struggling with addictions to pornography, internet or otherwise I believe there is power in setting our boundaries away from the cliffs so that if we accidentally fall over one we can still retreat and it's not game over. Anything else is like battling an enemy in the day and then sitting down with them for tea in your house in the evening. You're making things much harder for yourself. It's really simple, if you don't want to think about BIG BLUE ELEPHANTS, don't look at little blue elephants. Set a standard in your life like Job and keep to it even if your friends don't understand it (Job 31:1). 

     For those of us indulging in what I'd call socially acceptable pornography, let's take some time to be really honest with ourselves. Some stuff is just blatantly not good for you, no matter how funny, catchy or artistic it is. You might think that it doesn't affect you but it's a classic, give the devil and inch and he'll take a mile. You know the devil will always offer you less than what indulging him will cost you. Feeding your heart on sexually explicit or even implicit things will not help you to walk in purity and according to Matthew 5:8 it will damage your ability to experience God. It will rob you of a high value for sexuality and sexual intimacy that God describes as being beautiful. Jose Palos delivers a hard-hitting poem that touches a little on this with regards to music, questioning why we willingly submit ourselves to this sort of thing. I'm being very direct about this and I make no apologies for that but it's not because I want to be a prude or a killjoy but because our society is being consumed by this thing and we can't get absorbed along with it. This isn't about boycotts, do's and don'ts or being religious, it's about being smart and jealously guarding something God has given each of us. Sexual Purity in body and mind is something to be fought for and protected and that will be the topic of the next post. 

Thank you for reading! I know this was a long one but you made it through and I appreciate that! Go you! :-)

Jesus help us to listen to Your Holy Spirit. Help us to renew our minds and not be conformed to the ways of this world but be transformed into Your likeness. We want to honour You with our eyes and ears and we want You to be the source of our joy. Help us Lord.
Amen

End Notes
*I believe that our sex drive is designed by God to 

1. Add value to our virginity making it a worthy wedding present for our spouse because we've had to fight to protect it
2. Bring us joy and increase intimacy within the marriage covenant through the joining of bodies and souls
3. Make bringing life into the world an enjoyable experience that acquaints us with the heart of God the Creator

**If you haven't read my testimony you can find it here.

Sexual Purity: Part 1 - The Awkward Moment When Watching Porn Doesn't Make You a Man

Welcome to Part 1 of the Series. Please have a read of the Intro before you go any further!

     The first author I want to share with you goes by the name John Eldredge. He wrote a book called Wild at Heart which describes the way a man carries the wounds of his heart and how he responds to the world. John talks about how a man's heart is made to live passionately but a combination of wounds and disappointments he picks up during childhood, his own sin and the structure of society can rob him of that passion.* What's that got to do with pornography you ask? Well let's hear a little from Mr Eldredge:

     "If a man does not find those things for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other way. Why is pornography the number one snare for men? He longs for the beauty, but without his fierce and passionate heart he cannot find her or win her or keep her. Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he does not know how to fight for her or even that he IS to fight for her. Rather, he finds her mostly a mystery that he knows he cannot solve and so at a soul level he keeps his distance. And privately, secretly, he turns to the imitation. What makes pornography so addictive is that more than anything else in a lost man's life, it makes him FEEL like a man without ever requiring a thing of him. The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a real woman, the more vulnerable he is to porn." - Wild at Heart

     Sorry lads but I'm gonna have to rat us out to the ladies reading now.  Most boys (not all) continually feel like their masculinity is under question, so because they're not convinced that they're a "real man", they feel like they have to do things to prove it to themselves and to others. They may not be thinking in their brain "Stand back everyone! I must prove to all that I'm a MAN!" But if you could ask a man's heart directly why he does what he does, you'd probably make some interesting discoveries. Sir Eldredge (yes I've knighted him, read the book and you'll see why) says that there is a question that haunts every man's soul. It's right on the surface and clear for some but deep down, buried and hidden to others. That question is simply any variation of "Have I got what it takes?". It's a question of strength, ability, skill and effectiveness. Any situation that might give a negative answer they will automatically shy away from it and give excuses e.g. "Oh that's for girls, I don't like playing football, I just think it's boring."

     John is basically saying that pornography is a coward's route to sexual intimacy. The woman on the screen is under his control. He doesn't have to commit to her, he doesn't have to romance her, he doesn't have to respect her, he doesn't have to be vulnerable with her, he doesn't have to listen to her, he doesn't have to cater to her needs, he doesn't even have to talk to her! He can just use her to satisfy himself and be done with her. His strength and masculinity will never be called into question. She will never reject him. In fact the woman on the screen will probably tell him how great he is and how happy he makes her. 

     Let me take a moment to address some questions to the gents reading this. Have a look at your life. Are you drawing a sense of accomplishment from pornography? Do you brag about it to your friends? Does it make you feel like a man? Does it make you feel powerful? Let's go a little deeper. Maybe you don't actually have an issue with pornography, that's great! But are you using your relationships with women to make you feel like a man? Do you try and see how many girls you can get to like you at once? Have you ever broken up with a girl first because you thought she would dump you? Do you feel intimidated, threatened or invalidated around confident and independent women? 

     If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a boy who hasn't had his question answered and is taking it around as a little survey to God's daughters. You may be a dude who doesn't know what it's like to live passionately from your heart so you pretend not to care about anything because it's easier. You may appear confident on the outside but are actually a guy who is inwardly, desperately needing to be validated. God the Father wants to answer that question for you and seal up the holes in your heart with His love. If that last sentence made you squirm, I'm talking to you sir! I recommend you buy John's book. If you're a young man and can't afford it but really want it, contact me and I'll gladly get a hold of it for you.

More on that next time.
Thank you for reading!

End Notes
*Many of John's points are applicable to men and women but the book is written for men in general.

The Public Secret Soul - Part 1

     Hey guys, I'm becoming increasingly aware that one of the biggest boundaries to us developing real, authentic relationships with each other is social media. Don't run away! This isn't just another "let's have a bash at social media" blog I promise... I just want to look a little at what I feel is one of the (very) negative effects of one of the ways we seem to use social media. I use social media a lot and struggle with some of the issues I want to discuss so I'm speaking from my own experiences as well, not some high horse mentality. I'll say from the start that I am totally not immune to this but maybe this post will help me and you too! Wana ride this crazy train with me? No? Ok, maybe see you next time....as for the rest of you, slap on your 3D glasses! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!
...............
.................unless you're just sat at a computer screen in which case it's probably not. Sorry.

Too Much Information...

     Ok so personally I think it should be weird for you to get a breakdown of every detail of my day. Chances are, if you're reading this blog, you don't know me very well (if you don't know me at all, wow thanks for reading my blog!). I think people are naturally social. We like to hang out with people we know and swap stories. Since celeb mags are still being bought and sold we also know that we like to know personal things about people we don't really know either. Reality TV show ratings tell us we love watching people and knowing what they are doing, without them knowing we're watching them and the comments section of youtube tells us we LOVE to make our opinion on everything known! All of this is sometimes to an obsessive degree (you know who you are) and were we to do it in the world beyond cyber space we'd soon find ourselves in jail, in a mental institute, with a warning from the police or at least with a sore nose. The issue is, today this sort of behaviour has become totally normal, at least to those of us who have the internet following us around in various forms. I want to look at this a little and try to reflect on the ways it affects us in our relationships with each other and if you're a Christian, with God. 

     Technology has become the megaphone of the human mind and today there are just so many ways to make your thoughts heard aren't there? Blogs, vlogs, clogs...ok maybe not clogs but you could definitely post a picture of your clogs and tell everyone how you feel about them! Tweets and statuses also help you to let the world know how your day is going so that the instant you have a thought, you can make it so that anyone in the world with internet access can know exactly what you think about...you know, stuff!! Positive or negative! "My boyfriend broke up with me!" "I met a celebrity!" "I hate Margaret Thatcher." "I love chocolate." We even post statuses about being annoyed about other people posting statuses that we don't like! Like I said before this isn't just another rant on social media. I just want to take a bit of a closer look at what's going on behind some of our online behaviour because I think it may be affecting something I consider pretty precious.

     Have you ever been to the doctor and they tapped you in the knee with a tiny hammer and your leg twitches a tiny bit? It's no big deal but you freak out like it just talked to you or something!! It's called a reflex right? I think in the West a new reflex has developed in the human body. It starts in the brain. We have a thought, or a feeling about something we see or something that happens. It's usually not actually a big deal but suddenly electronic impulses fly from our brains down our arms into our fingers and before we know it, BAM!! It's all over some social media website, dripping with hashtags and exclamation marks!!! When we snap out of it all that's left is an insatiable longing and desire to see someone like or comment on what we've posted be it a blog (cough cough), a status or an instagram edited sepia photo. We yearn for hearty approval of the article we posted that we didn't write and this somehow makes us feel fulfilled. Validated. We're ready to bark at and joust with anyone who doesn't agree and chest bump and high five everyone who does (All of this looks a little different among the Church community but we'll get to that in the next post).

The Soul and the Secret Place
     So what's the big deal? What's the point? What's the concern? There's two actually. One is the soul. Yes the soul and the other is... "Dude what the heck does the soul have to do with Facebook and Twitter?" Since you're here and apparently willing to read on (even though you rudely interrupted me), I'll try to explain my thoughts. First of all, there are lots of definitions of what the "soul" of a person is. I'm not going super deep on that one right now, I'll just let you know that when I say "soul" I'm talking about your mind, will and emotions. If it helps, whenever you read soul say "mind, will and emotions" in your head okay? Awesome. I think that we're paying less and less attention to what's going on in our soul before shooting it out all over the internet where people can affirm or wound us. We're either regurgitating stuff we read or watch or we're displaying the ongoings of our personal lives for all to see or we're photographing everything and anything. Many of us are no longer taking  time to mull things over, take moments in or even enjoy them before sharing them with the world! My friend Dave challenged me as a group of us were walking down the street doing something pretty weird and hilarious and I immediately went for my phone to make a video. "Just enjoy the moment" he said. Simple but profound. I think this is dangerous. I'm not at all saying that posting about your day or taking photos or any of this stuff is inherently "bad" by the way so please keep reading.

     My second concern is just that we're losing our sense of privacy and the value for our souls* as well as what some Christians call the "Secret Place" (more on that in Part 2). We're giving the keys to our souls away for free! People used to have to get to know you before they knew your relationship troubles! People used to have to come to your house before they saw what you had for dinner! We end up feeling close to people who really aren't sharing our lives with us. Social media seems to amplify our insecurities too. What did we do before we had to be constantly aware of trying to impress everyone we knew with the harrowing and daring tale of our trip to the bus stop in the rain? What did we do before we had to worry about getting just the right shading on our instagram photo to ensure people thought we really time-travelled to the 50s? What did we do before...you get the picture. THIS IS WEIRD!! For most of us, we probably just enjoyed the moment and shared the stories with our close friends and the odd stranger on the train! For some of us I think social media is really a way of making ourselves and our lives feel more special and I think that's sad. We allow people to judge our lives through likes and comments or the lack thereof and these judgements can then shape our view of ourselves and our lives. What if all my friends hate the film I just tweeted that I love?! Do I change my opinion on it? "Well it really wasn't that good..." We're letting other people do our soul-searching for us! What's up with that?!?!

     I think people need to have friends. Good friends, close friends. But friends shouldn't entirely replace your inner world and your interaction with your soul. Before you think I'm getting all weird and esoteric (a cool word I learnt) I'm just talking about being more intentional in thinking about what goes through your mind, the things you want to do and the way you feel about stuff before immediately shoving them online. Let's be real, a lot of us are seeking validation from our online buddies. We want everyone to believe our life is amazing, maybe even better than theirs!! We want them to know we're really witty, maybe even wittier than them!! Some of us intentionally post very little on social media but the motive is the same. We want people to think we're too cool or too busy for that stuff. We want them to think better of us, maybe even better than themselves. Have you spotted yourself anywhere in this blog yet? I find asking yourself some questions can really help you get beneath the surface of what's going on in your soul and why (the Holy Spirit is very good at being honest with you if you suck at it yourself). It's ok to have needs but how you get them met is very important for the health of your soul. Do you tag tons of people in your statuses about events so that other people can think that you're really popular going to events with lots of people and that you're loved by everyone? When God says something to you do post it up straight away so everyone can see or do you actually talk to Him about it?

I said I'd get personal with the Christians earlier and now seems like a good time. To take a break. You can leave your comments and questions here if you like or if you want you can jump over to Part 2

Thanks for reading!

What the Heck is Holiness? - Part 2: The Higher Call of Pure Intimacy

Hi again, please read Part 1: The Power of Porn before you read this post! Thanks.
http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/holiness-part-1-power-of-porn.html

Again this was a difficult post to write. Those of you who know me may have been surprised to know about the story in my previous post. I'm hoping that this one will help you make even more sense of me! Haha. You shouldn't feel condemned reading this one. My words come from a heart that is proper happy to have been set free by my King and the lover of my soul! My prayer is that you won't shy away from the conviction of the Holy Spirit if He speaks to you and you won't let the devil tell you lies either. I'm not trying to lead you into a dull and boring life of boycotting stuff and hiding from the world but I do what to shed some light on an issue from the eyes of someone who went pretty deep in and eventually got dragged out by grace. While reading this you might feel something that you think is the spirit of legalism. It's really not about that at all. I'm not a prude or a fun-killer but boy do I have a vision for something glorious! As always, read with discernment and check everything out in the Word. :-)

Purity
     When something is pure, it's just not mixed with anything else. Following my liberation from the world of internet and tv-based pornography, I enjoyed a sweet season of simple, pure passion for God. I was loving living in this purity and enjoying unbroken relationship with Him being able to stand before Him with confidence (1John 3:21)! When I was 18, I started spending more time with young adults in the church which made me feel more grown-up! Something odd happened for me however. I noticed that the vast majority of the humour that was thrown around in our group was kinda crude in nature. The films and TV shows we watched together followed a similar pattern. I felt a little of that "something-is-up" feeling in my heart but I ignored it because I considered the people involved to be more spiritual and more mature than me. They were older than me, some of them knew the Bible better than me, others heard God more clearly than me (prophetically). Considering all this, I decided it must be fine and I must be overreacting. I mixed my conviction with a couple excuses and made a cocktail of compromise and joined in!
Mistake.

     After a while a certain friend of mine who had been a constant source of strength and challenge during my teenage years sent me a message. It simply read "Ephesians 5:4 What do you think of this verse?" I didn't know it off the top of my head so I went to find it. Let's look it up shall we? With a little bit of context:

1Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Ephesians 5:1-4 (NIV)

Ever read a verse in the Bible that you swore was never there before but is now jumping up and slapping you in the face?! This one was definitely one of those for me!! I just stared at it! It's really not in any uncertain terms. There it was! Plain as day! Well what the heck was I supposed to do now?! Ever read the Bible and then try to pretend you didn't just read something so you can go on living sinfully *cough cough* excuse me, comfortably? That would work out great if the One who wrote it didn't live inside you! The Holy Spirit was ready to challenge me on it all day and echo what I had read in the caverns of my soul. This started to make it pretty awkward for me to be around some people as they went out of their way to engage in this stuff. It was our main source of entertainment! Of course the temptation to just let it go or not "overdo" the Christianity thing was definitely there and I had plenty of friends letting me know that. I jumped backwards and forwards in this for a while (a couple years). I wanted to live my life for God whole-heartedly but this made things REALLY awkward for me AND other people sometimes! Although I had a real conviction in my heart that this stuff was wrong, what I definitely lacked was grace to share it with others and integrity to walk it out myself. I just slapped on my judgement cap, hopped on my soap box and unleashed! I remember an occasion when I'd moved to Cardiff, I was at a party and the direction of conversation was going south and so I tried to challenge someone directly on the basis of the Ephesians 5:4 verse. Almost everyone in the room turned against me and by the end of the argument the atmosphere was so tense that the only way the party would continue was if I left! So I did, feeling VERY confused!

Passion
     You might be thinking I'm taking this all a little too seriously but I hope you'll continue reading and hear me out. My journey into purity had created in me a hunger and a desire for it because I'd experienced the level of intimacy that came with it. I wanted everyone to have that. Sure we can learn to live in compromise but why would we? I'd developed a passion for my own sexual purity both in my body and in my mind and I was serious about protecting it. I found it odd that I was having to safeguard my thoughts among God's people. "It's just a bit of fun" and "Tony you need to lighten up" were things I heard a fair bit and still do. I even remember someone saying to me "Well you have to look at that verse in its cultural, historical context". Walking away from that party, honestly I wanted to cry. I couldn't understand why people who love the Lord wanted to continue in something that hurt His heart but whenever I tried to share this with people I just came across as arrogant and self-righteous and to be honest, I was! I'd forgotten that it was His grace that had rescued me, not my own personal holiness. I hope the years have brought me a little more humility, discernment and wisdom. I'm grateful for the freedom He's given me. I love Him and want to honour Him with my eyes, ears and mouth.

     Let's face it some rude jokes are just funny. Some dodgey films are hilarious and entertaining. You're on the bus or watching TV and you hear something horrendous but you still want to laugh. Innocent fun right? Maybe. But maybe not. Our culture is totally permeated with subtle sin that can be almost undetectable. Sin disguised as humour is still sin however hilarious it might seem. He bled for it. I've had to ask myself some tough questions as the Holy Spirit has challenged me and continues to challenge me. Why do I laugh at things I know are wrong? Recently the Holy Spirit dropped something like this into my heart "Don't laugh at jokes demons will laugh at." That made me think. Will what I draw my laughter from now still be funny in Heaven? In Hell? Does God share my sense of humour? If I water down my idea of Him and make Him just like me, He certainly does! But I'm supposed to be like Him. If I'm constantly feeding myself with things He doesn't like will it make me more like Him? What if I set my heart to allow the Holy Spirit to direct me in what I watch and listen to?

     God calls us to be holy because He is holy (1Peter 1:16). That's a pretty scary thought and a pretty high call! The Greek word for "holy" means to be set apart or separate. Quick analogy: If I tear a small piece of paper away from a big piece, technically I've made the little piece holy (thanks Richard). God is holy, He is set apart and He calls us to be with Him, separate from the ways of the world. In the world but not of it. Not sitting above the world in judgement, snobbery and apparent superiority but living in love with Jesus, setting an example in how to walk with God in love and grace. The call to holiness is actually a call to intimacy, not a call to legalism. God knows what a compromised conscience does to our relationship with Him. So many people walk away from God or never approach Him because they feel too dirty for Him! They feel like He could never love them because of what they've done, not knowing that it's His love and what He's done that empowers us to live differently. He calls us to be holy (set apart) because that is the best way we can relate to Him and walk closely with Him, with clean hands and a pure heart (Psalm 24:3-4). Jesus died so that living a life of holiness and purity would be possible for us. His death, burial and resurrection reconciled us to God. He is the Holy One so He gives us the Holy Spirit to live in us and continually make us more like Him, enabling us to live out the holiness that is ours in Him.

Thanks for reading! Share your thoughts or jump over to 

What the Heck is Holiness? - Part 1: The Power of Porn!

     Hi guys, so I was exposed to stuff of a sexual nature from an early age through television and school and first saw a pornographic magazine at the age of 10. YIKES!! Here we go folks, we're going deep with this post!! Please don't let this opening line scare you off. I'm going to be really real and honest here in the hopes that what I have to share will put peace in some people's hearts and set them free while bringing a gracious challenge to others in the lifestyle of a Christian. I'll share personal experience from my own life all the way through as well as truth from the Bible and I'll try to say quite a lot in this post so please don't tune out. I'll be real but not to the point of being crude. This isn't at all easy for me to share, particularly on a public forum and hey maybe it will change how some people feel about me but I've waited a long time before putting this out and I know it's necessary for me to share so it's ok ; ) I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me grace to write and that He'll give you grace to read and hear what I believe He has to say. Ready? Still with me? Awesome, thank you, let's go!! : )

     So I first saw a pornographic magazine at the age of 10 (which is apparently only a year earlier than the average young person in the West) and this opened a door to a new world of temptation and sin. Bad times. Two years later while away at a youth camp I committed my life to loving and serving the Jesus who died to remove me from my sins and give me His new life. It was a beautiful experience, walking in this new connection with God, knowing His heart and His delight towards me. However, the following 6 years for me were a serious battle against lust and pornography. Getting a computer in our house certainly didn't help! With my parents out of the house I'd just get lost in this thing. I became very clever at covering up my tracks. If I was on the computer and alone it seemed like it was inevitable*. I felt so helpless against it. In my spirit it definitely wasn't what I wanted to be doing or giving my mind to but there's a reason Paul told Timothy to "Flee YOUTHFUL passions..." (2Timothy 2:22a) and not just general passions. Youthful passions are powerful and unrelenting! Guilt and shame would descend upon me every time making me feel unfit to go to God. This is one of the enemy's favourite tactics against us! If he can get us to believe we're unwelcome in the presence of God, we won't go to Him but He is the one who heals us and forgives us and strengthens us to resist temptation. When we don't understand this we try fighting the devil on our own and it's just embarrassing! We forget the first part of James 4:7 and simply try to resist the devil without submitting ourselves to God first. It's hard to submit yourself to God when you feel like He doesn't even want to look at you! It's a clever tactic but knowing it definitely helps us.

     At the age of 15 I was asked to start helping to teach the youth (who were aged 11-17) on Sundays in my church. I was really excited about this but I was still up and down with this inner struggle. Sometimes I'd go weeks or months without giving in but then would fall back into it. Of course the devil had an absolute field day with my heart. John tells us that it's in walking in the light that we allow God to cleanse us from sin (1John 1:5-10) but the devil lives in the darkness of secret sin and he will happily kick our heads in all day if we stay there with him, continually whispering, "You call yourself a Christian? No one else has this problem. How can God love you when you do this? How can God use you when you do this? You're a hypocrite." So there's me leading young people, trying to be an example, trying to be a role model while being utterly torn apart on the inside. Riddled with guilt and shame. Maybe you've been there or somewhere similar. Let me tell you about the grace of God though. Through all of this stuff I found that God would still speak to me! I found that He would still use me to speak to others! I can't tell you how humbling it is to know the love and grace of God in the middle of sinning! He remains faithful in all circumstances (2Timothy 2:13) because His faithfulness was never dependent on me! He was faithful before I was born and He'll be faithful after I'm dead, it's who He is!!

     The devil wanted to condemn me but the Holy Spirit wanted to convict me. I began to become aware of the heart of God towards pornography. Thoughts of how lost the people on the screen were flooded my heart. The heart of our Father for His daughters who'd wandered so far from Him and His love pressed heavily on me. This was not ok. Kris Vallotton gives the best description of the difference between condemnation and conviction that I've heard in his book** so let me share it with you. He says that condemnation is from the devil and will always equate you with your sin e.g. you sinned, you're a sinner. You lied, you're a liar etc etc. The goal of condemnation is to convince you that you are what you do. If it's successful, the devil can leave you alone because you'll only ever act out who you believe you are and you'll continue in these cycles of sin, driving you further from your relationship with the Lord. Conviction however is from the Holy Spirit and conviction basically says "You're way too awesome to be acting like that! That's not who you are any more. Why settle for that?" Conviction comes with the power to change, condemnation robs you of that power! I started to feel more of the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I knew I didn't want to live my life like this. After occasions of giving in, I started to find the strength to go before God and speak to Him and cry out for forgiveness and deliverance. Leading a double life is not healthy for anyone. I started to set targets for myself with agreements between me and God. I'd say for 2 weeks I'm not going to look at anything dodgey on the internet or even  anything slightly dodgey on TV e.g. music videos (remember the good old days when people wore clothes in music videos? Good times.) and the fear of the Lord combined with His conviction and grace carried me through those weeks. Obviously this wasn't a permanent solution and something else was needed.

     When I was 18, Lent came around. To be honest I didn't even really know what Lent was up until then but I heard it's 40 days when people give stuff up. I made my decision. 40 days, no porn, just prayer. At the time there was also a girl in my life, a previous girlfriend who really wasn't doing my heart any good either so I added in that I wouldn't contact her either during this time. I wanted to get free of things that were hindering me in my relationship with Him. So for 40 days I steered clear of any images that might compromise my promise and I just prayed and spent time with God while of course going to school and doing usual day to day stuff. Towards the end before the 40 days were even over, this thought passed through my mind: "The time is almost up then you can look at stuff again." The thought of trading this amazing new and fresh intimacy with God for anything else was actually hilarious! I think I actually laughed out loud! Hahaha!! VICTORY!!! When the 40 days were over I can't describe to you the level of freedom I felt but most of all I was walking in this new unbroken communion with God because my conscience was clear before Him. John tells us in 1John 3 that there is something incredible about being able to stand in His presence with a pure conscience, a heart set at rest, with confidence because we know that we're doing His will (1John 3:19-22). I can't describe this feeling to you but it was delicious!! HAHA!! The desire to even look at anything like that had completely left me and been replaced with a desire to walk closer with God. My journey didn't stop there however, God had more He wanted to teach me.

Thanks for reading friends, that's the end of Part 1. I hope it's helping you. Whether it's sexual sin you've struggled with or something else that has left you feeling far from God, or whether you're not a Christian at all and have felt like you can't possibly live the Christian life, please continue to read this mini series. It's really not about us and our ability, it's about Jesus and His power to save, deliver and heal us and make us more like Himself. It's about us answering the call to walk closely with God and leave our dirt and shame behind. It's about allowing the strength of His love for us to break the chains of our sin. Let the dark power of porn dissolve in the light of His love. Come as you are and let Him do the rest!

End Notes
* By the grace of God I never struggled with masturbation at all throughout the battle against lust and porn. That in itself is a miracle! Haha!

**Moral Revolution: The Naked Truth About Sexual Purity by Kris Vallotton. Buy it! - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moral-Revolution-Naked-Sexual-Purity/dp/0768438632/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375186402&sr=1-1&keywords=moral+revolution

I also just want to honour my Mum and Dad for being good parents and working so hard to provide for me and my brother. Mum I know you'll probably read this so I want to say thank you for continuing to encourage me in the Lord so I could come out with this testimony of His faithfulness! You continue to inspire me.



Part 2