If you haven't already checked out the Intro, Part 1 or Part 2, please do before reading on!
Hi, thanks for coming back! This blog series is mostly written for Christians who love God and want to live lives of extravagant worship with a Saviour who gave everything so that we could live free from sin and alive to God but are currently tangled in cycles of compromise with pornography and masturbation. This post is not designed to judge or condemn anyone or to be legalistic and constricting so please know that as you read through but I'll be straight with you, this is going to sound pretty extreme and I'm totally aware of that! I want to share about a journey that I've been on myself that has brought me a lot of peace while helping you to think about your own daily habits. I do not have all the answers! Haha! Sometimes I think we choose to live at a lower standard than what the Bible and the Holy Spirit's conviction tells us simply because we think we're doing a bit better than the world or others. I'm convinced that the standard of life God has called us to looks radically different from where we've gotten so far so if you're keen to keep moving forward, please read on! I hope this post will challenge you and remind you of the standard set by Jesus, not by me.
Personally I don't think enough of us struggle with lust. Many of us have just given up the struggle and made room for it in our lives keeping it as a pet we think is well-trained. During the time I was trapped in the cycle of internet pornography** I could be found watching 18+ movies on TV like American Pie and raunchy (couldn't think of a less old-fashioned word...) RnB music videos while wondering why I just couldn't seem to get free from porn. I was filling my ears with catchy songs about sex while feasting on a diet of dodgey adverts and still wondering why I couldn't get free from porn. Part of the problem was, I had such a low aim and a narrow view of pornography! When I took the 40days with God away from porn, I told Him I that not only would I not look at internet pornography, I also wouldn't look at anything sexually arousing on TV either (not nearly as difficult as these days). I believe this is part of what brought breakthrough in my life at the time and so I've come to the conclusion that porn isn't just pictures and videos of naked people on the internet. So what is porn? Let's ask the smart books.
Definitions
Let's check out some dictionary definitions: Oxford Dictionary defines it as: "Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement." Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as: "movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement." and lastly Collins Dictionary defines it as: "writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement." They're all pretty much the same right? A summary definition of pornography would basically be: "Stuff that is designed to turn you on."
Sex Sells
We all know that the advertising and marketing industry depends heavily on sex appeal in order to sell products and society is becoming more and more ok with that. Music videos, television commercials, magazines and movies showcase the naked or near-naked bodies of men and women pretty blatantly to the point where most of us no longer even notice. It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing. You can watch an advert about tooth-decay today and still see a naked woman! The advertising and marketing industry is taking something given to us by God* (our sex drive, see Genesis 1:28) and abusing it in order to sell us things that we don't need while reducing our value for true sexual intimacy and even for each other. We're told that being "sexy" and promiscuous is the same as being powerful. That's nonsense. The Evolution of the Swimsuit video by Jessica Rey addresses that topic way better than I could with the space I have in this post.
Have you noticed how most of the major sitcoms and drama series on TV have sexual activity either implied or graphically described in pretty much every episode? Let's take the classic show "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" for example. Calm down! I know you probably love it and watched it for like 10 years just like me but let's think about it. Over the years they all pretty much managed to turn sleeping around into a sport and at times you found yourself cheering on the characters who were trying to pin down a mate! We get so sucked in that we actually do a 360 on our morals! If you told your Christian mates that you don't watch Friends because it's too sexual they'd look at you like you're crazy right?! You might say "But come on man, it's just a TV show." Ok, ok let me carry on. I've never seen the apparently chart-topping "Game of Thrones" that came from a book series that some would probably call a literary masterpiece but I've commonly heard it described as "Lord of the Rings...but with boobs" and I'm told there are pretty graphic sex scenes throughout the show. I actually first heard about the show from Christians and was just plain confused about why they were watching it. You might say "But come on bro, it's really good quality TV, it's not all bad..." Ok, ok just stick with me.
There was a pretty wide-spread outcry in the Church and the world when "50 Shades of Grey" hit the bookshelves with a lot of people calling it "Porn for Women" as people say that women tend to be more turned on by mental fantasy than visual images and so books like 50 Shades and others like it are said to do for woman what porn magazines do for men. I'm not making a comment on that right now, I'm just identifying another medium where sexual arousal is being fed into society as a commodity that can be bought and sold. There are plenty of other books and book series that have sexual themes running through them that aren't as in-your-face as 50 Shades of Grey "So those ones are ok, right bro?" Keep reading friend :-) From video games to board games, from trashy novels to comic books, sex is being fired at us pretty much wherever we look for entertainment. What is really scary is how normal it all is now. Think about it. How many songs do you hear on the radio today that don't have lyrics that include some variation of "I want you" or "Let's go back to your/my place"?
So what's my point? Before I tell you, let's have a look at something Jesus said in Matthew 5:8: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." The implication is that the impure in heart, won't. Ask yourself these questions: Does your desire to watch what you watch, read what you read and listen to whatever you listen to come from a pure heart i.e. the heart of God in you? Do you seek out and enjoy things that you know are considered risqué or naughty? Do you have to find "redeeming features" in the things you enjoy to justify enjoying them to yourself and others? Do you struggle with lust? Are you currently forming clever excuses in your head about everything you've read so far? Your answers to these questions may be uncomfortable for you but I pray that you will have the courage not to tune out but to stand honestly before Jesus to let Him run those blazing eyes over your heart and tell you what He sees. He loves you y'know.
End Notes
*I believe that our sex drive is designed by God to
Hi, thanks for coming back! This blog series is mostly written for Christians who love God and want to live lives of extravagant worship with a Saviour who gave everything so that we could live free from sin and alive to God but are currently tangled in cycles of compromise with pornography and masturbation. This post is not designed to judge or condemn anyone or to be legalistic and constricting so please know that as you read through but I'll be straight with you, this is going to sound pretty extreme and I'm totally aware of that! I want to share about a journey that I've been on myself that has brought me a lot of peace while helping you to think about your own daily habits. I do not have all the answers! Haha! Sometimes I think we choose to live at a lower standard than what the Bible and the Holy Spirit's conviction tells us simply because we think we're doing a bit better than the world or others. I'm convinced that the standard of life God has called us to looks radically different from where we've gotten so far so if you're keen to keep moving forward, please read on! I hope this post will challenge you and remind you of the standard set by Jesus, not by me.
Personally I don't think enough of us struggle with lust. Many of us have just given up the struggle and made room for it in our lives keeping it as a pet we think is well-trained. During the time I was trapped in the cycle of internet pornography** I could be found watching 18+ movies on TV like American Pie and raunchy (couldn't think of a less old-fashioned word...) RnB music videos while wondering why I just couldn't seem to get free from porn. I was filling my ears with catchy songs about sex while feasting on a diet of dodgey adverts and still wondering why I couldn't get free from porn. Part of the problem was, I had such a low aim and a narrow view of pornography! When I took the 40days with God away from porn, I told Him I that not only would I not look at internet pornography, I also wouldn't look at anything sexually arousing on TV either (not nearly as difficult as these days). I believe this is part of what brought breakthrough in my life at the time and so I've come to the conclusion that porn isn't just pictures and videos of naked people on the internet. So what is porn? Let's ask the smart books.
Definitions
Let's check out some dictionary definitions: Oxford Dictionary defines it as: "Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement." Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as: "movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement." and lastly Collins Dictionary defines it as: "writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement." They're all pretty much the same right? A summary definition of pornography would basically be: "Stuff that is designed to turn you on."
Sex Sells
We all know that the advertising and marketing industry depends heavily on sex appeal in order to sell products and society is becoming more and more ok with that. Music videos, television commercials, magazines and movies showcase the naked or near-naked bodies of men and women pretty blatantly to the point where most of us no longer even notice. It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing. You can watch an advert about tooth-decay today and still see a naked woman! The advertising and marketing industry is taking something given to us by God* (our sex drive, see Genesis 1:28) and abusing it in order to sell us things that we don't need while reducing our value for true sexual intimacy and even for each other. We're told that being "sexy" and promiscuous is the same as being powerful. That's nonsense. The Evolution of the Swimsuit video by Jessica Rey addresses that topic way better than I could with the space I have in this post.
Have you noticed how most of the major sitcoms and drama series on TV have sexual activity either implied or graphically described in pretty much every episode? Let's take the classic show "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" for example. Calm down! I know you probably love it and watched it for like 10 years just like me but let's think about it. Over the years they all pretty much managed to turn sleeping around into a sport and at times you found yourself cheering on the characters who were trying to pin down a mate! We get so sucked in that we actually do a 360 on our morals! If you told your Christian mates that you don't watch Friends because it's too sexual they'd look at you like you're crazy right?! You might say "But come on man, it's just a TV show." Ok, ok let me carry on. I've never seen the apparently chart-topping "Game of Thrones" that came from a book series that some would probably call a literary masterpiece but I've commonly heard it described as "Lord of the Rings...but with boobs" and I'm told there are pretty graphic sex scenes throughout the show. I actually first heard about the show from Christians and was just plain confused about why they were watching it. You might say "But come on bro, it's really good quality TV, it's not all bad..." Ok, ok just stick with me.There was a pretty wide-spread outcry in the Church and the world when "50 Shades of Grey" hit the bookshelves with a lot of people calling it "Porn for Women" as people say that women tend to be more turned on by mental fantasy than visual images and so books like 50 Shades and others like it are said to do for woman what porn magazines do for men. I'm not making a comment on that right now, I'm just identifying another medium where sexual arousal is being fed into society as a commodity that can be bought and sold. There are plenty of other books and book series that have sexual themes running through them that aren't as in-your-face as 50 Shades of Grey "So those ones are ok, right bro?" Keep reading friend :-) From video games to board games, from trashy novels to comic books, sex is being fired at us pretty much wherever we look for entertainment. What is really scary is how normal it all is now. Think about it. How many songs do you hear on the radio today that don't have lyrics that include some variation of "I want you" or "Let's go back to your/my place"?
Heart Porn
So what's my point? Before I tell you, let's have a look at something Jesus said in Matthew 5:8: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." The implication is that the impure in heart, won't. Ask yourself these questions: Does your desire to watch what you watch, read what you read and listen to whatever you listen to come from a pure heart i.e. the heart of God in you? Do you seek out and enjoy things that you know are considered risqué or naughty? Do you have to find "redeeming features" in the things you enjoy to justify enjoying them to yourself and others? Do you struggle with lust? Are you currently forming clever excuses in your head about everything you've read so far? Your answers to these questions may be uncomfortable for you but I pray that you will have the courage not to tune out but to stand honestly before Jesus to let Him run those blazing eyes over your heart and tell you what He sees. He loves you y'know.
I've been reading through the Sermon on the Mount with some friends lately and over and over Jesus emphasises that sin is not all about outward actions but also the intentions of the heart. It's not determined by external circumstances but internal realities. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus drops another bomb and tells us that the sin of lust begins in the intentions of the heart and the direction of the eyes. Even though Jesus talks about a dude, ladies this is for you too. On the basis of this attitude to sin I believe that Pornography is not only stuff designed to turn you on but also any form of entertainment we indulge in with the intent to be sexually aroused. This isn't me laying down a law or anything, I'm just making a really plain statement to help us all - including myself - to submit our motives to the Holy Spirit. Sin isn't something that can be forced on you, it's something that you choose and so just because society doesn't call something pornography, doesn't mean that to you, it isn't. I guess I'm saying that a lot of us probably watch porn everyday. I'm saying that for one person a comic book is a fun and colourful storybook but for another person, due to the busty blondes or spandex-clad dudes, it's porn. I'm saying that sitting round a TV talking about how sexy an actor is probably isn't doing you good. I'm saying that we're not called to take part in the deeds of darkness, we're supposed to expose them (Ephesians 5:11).
Why Does This Matter?
For those of us struggling with addictions to pornography, internet or otherwise I believe there is power in setting our boundaries away from the cliffs so that if we accidentally fall over one we can still retreat and it's not game over. Anything else is like battling an enemy in the day and then sitting down with them for tea in your house in the evening. You're making things much harder for yourself. It's really simple, if you don't want to think about BIG BLUE ELEPHANTS, don't look at little blue elephants. Set a standard in your life like Job and keep to it even if your friends don't understand it (Job 31:1).
For those of us indulging in what I'd call socially acceptable pornography, let's take some time to be really honest with ourselves. Some stuff is just blatantly not good for you, no matter how funny, catchy or artistic it is. You might think that it doesn't affect you but it's a classic, give the devil and inch and he'll take a mile. You know the devil will always offer you less than what indulging him will cost you. Feeding your heart on sexually explicit or even implicit things will not help you to walk in purity and according to Matthew 5:8 it will damage your ability to experience God. It will rob you of a high value for sexuality and sexual intimacy that God describes as being beautiful. Jose Palos delivers a hard-hitting poem that touches a little on this with regards to music, questioning why we willingly submit ourselves to this sort of thing. I'm being very direct about this and I make no apologies for that but it's not because I want to be a prude or a killjoy but because our society is being consumed by this thing and we can't get absorbed along with it. This isn't about boycotts, do's and don'ts or being religious, it's about being smart and jealously guarding something God has given each of us. Sexual Purity in body and mind is something to be fought for and protected and that will be the topic of the next post.
Thank you for reading! I know this was a long one but you made it through and I appreciate that! Go you! :-)
Jesus help us to listen to Your Holy Spirit. Help us to renew our minds and not be conformed to the ways of this world but be transformed into Your likeness. We want to honour You with our eyes and ears and we want You to be the source of our joy. Help us Lord.
Amen
Jesus help us to listen to Your Holy Spirit. Help us to renew our minds and not be conformed to the ways of this world but be transformed into Your likeness. We want to honour You with our eyes and ears and we want You to be the source of our joy. Help us Lord.
Amen
End Notes
*I believe that our sex drive is designed by God to
- Add value to our virginity making it a worthy wedding present for our spouse because we've had to fight to protect it
- Bring us joy and increase intimacy within the marriage covenant through the joining of bodies and souls
- Make bringing life into the world an enjoyable experience that acquaints us with the heart of God the Creator
**If you haven't read my testimony you can find it here.
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