"I Bruise Easily..."

This is a post I've been waiting to write for a while. I really hope it helps you and brings you freedom.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:6 (NIV)

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
Genesis 3:9 (NIV)

     I've gotten quite passionate about vulnerability in the last year. I looked up the origin of the word vulnerable and it comes from the same word as "wound". Vulnerability is basically the ability to be wounded or harmed. I'm currently on a quest (I prefer the word quest to journey because it has a definite purpose and just sounds more exciting!) learning about the power and significance of vulnerability in my life and how it is linked to true love, true intimacy and true freedom. I'm not talking about being the scrawny kid who gets picked on because he can't defend himself. I'm talking more about the decision to make yourself vulnerable to God and to others. I'm saying that vulnerability is not a weakness but a display of strength. I was thinking one day about whether or not God is vulnerable because we're (Christians) supposed to act like Him right? I was struck with the thought that Jesus modelled vulnerability to the max by setting aside Heaven and His immortality to come close to us. Close enough for us to touch Him with our hands. Close enough for us to kill Him. While He was on the Earth even though He knew all of His disciples would abandon Him, He brought them close to Him (Mark 14:27). He even made Judas the betrayer a disciple and allowed Him to share in His incredible life for 3 years!! Jesus' example of vulnerability shows that it is a risk because of what people are like but it's also completely necessary to have real depth in any relationship.

     I'll explain a little more of what I mean by vulnerability because clearly I'm not saying "hey let's all go hang out with people we think might want us dead..." By vulnerability I mean opening our hearts, our thoughts and emotions to people and giving them the power to analyse and accept, reject or correct them. It's about living your life in such a way that those close to you can see into your heart and express to you what they think about it. I find this can be the scariest thing in the world but it's completely necessary if I want to have real relationships with real people. Without this my relationships remain superficial and I can never really connect on a deeper level. I firmly believe that Intimacy doesn't exist without vulnerability.

     When I was a kid my brother and I used to break things quite regularly. We were pretty hyper kids so we'd be climbing all over everything and swinging from everything and throwing everything around! Eventually the inevitable would happen and we'd have to find a way to fix it or hide it before our parents returned home. We actually got better and better at this as we got older! When it comes to worship and encountering God vulnerability is again completely essential. I've definitely had times in my life where I've tried to come to sing to God in church or wherever when in my heart I've been doing everything I can to make sure He doesn't see that issue or that attitude I'm trying to hide from Him because "I know what He'll say." I want to try and fix it myself or just hide it from Him and distract Him with my loud singing. As a result I would go a long time never really connecting with God. My thoughts about myself would change because I wouldn't be making room in my heart to listen to what He was saying about me. My thoughts about Him would change too and become warped. It's like trying to keep track of a friend's life through facebook without actually speaking to them! You get a distorted image. When I would eventually come to Him and lay my heart open and be honest about all that I was going through and make a conscious decision to verbalise it to Him (even though I know He knows) it would make room for Him to step in and do something. It's just quitting pretending that I don't know He sees it anyway and giving Him the freedom to say what He wants to say to me about it and to help me deal with it. This is where Proverbs 27:6 comes in. What greater friend is there than Him? He may have to wound me where necessary e.g. in my pride in order to cut out what is damaging to me but I know that He will build me up and encourage me, replacing lies I've believed with His truth and wash me clean with His word. I like to call this open-heart surgery : )

     In  1Samuel 19, Saul tries to kill David but comes into the presence of God and ends up stripping off his armour and prophesying all day and all night. I believe this is like an example for us of what can happen when we come into God's presence. We remove our armour and the things we use to protect ourselves and make us appear strong and we surrender to His unrelenting love and choose to speak only what He says about us all day and all night. This is true worship. When we come before Him as we are, warts and all but choose to say what He says and see what He sees. As we experience His love and His forgiveness it drives us into a deeper place of worship where even more healing and building up can be done. When Adam sinned and hid himself God called to him and asked him where he was at. This was God offering Adam the opportunity to be vulnerable and so restore intimacy to their relationship. Adam started off well "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." but he then shifted the blame to God and to Eve "The woman YOU put here with here with me..." God is always offering us the chance to live in intimacy with Him through vulnerability. Let's come to Him without excuses and lay our hearts open before Him knowing that the One who knows us best loves us most.

     In the song "I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Beddingfield she makes a pretty deep statement that reminds us that our vulnerability should be guided by wisdom: "Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you."  I know plenty of people who've been hurt by being open with people in the past and as a result no longer want to. The trouble is our vulnerability actually protects us in the long run.I really want to emphasise how important it is for us to have intimate relationships that are guided by wisdom. If we throw our hearts open to anyone and everyone we meet we'll end up with a lot of wounds that are unnecessary and unhelpful and we may then become bitter towards the thought of being vulnerable at all. I should also say however that a resistance to being vulnerable with people can also come from a place of simply wanting to do what you want as Proverbs 18:1 says: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement."

     Think about Jesus and His disciples. He followed everywhere by crowds but He had His specially selected 12. Within the 12 he had His specially selected 3, Peter James and John. When Jesus was going to be betrayed He told all the disciples to pray but He took Peter James and John further on into the garden to pray and then it says that He then displayed what was really in His heart (Matthew 26:37) Having people in our lives that we can be completely open and honest with is huge! These should be people who over time have demonstrated that they're committed to our well-being and our personal and spiritual development and not just telling us that we're right all the time. People that will challenge us in love and help us to stay in humility. I think it's important to partner with the Holy Spirit and ask Him who He has put in our lives for this purpose and to pursue them!

     As I mentioned Jesus' vulnerability and His closeness to us also meant that we could kill Him but it also meant that people could come close enough to touch Him and be healed! Vulnerability also makes it possible for us to share the good things that are in us with other people! It's really important that we are vulnerable with people in our lives as well as with God partly because they well enable to see things with their added perspective and different experiences of life but also because the good things that God has put in our hearts flow out when we make ourselves vulnerable. Accountability is a buzz word that gets thrown around in the Christian world a lot but essentially it means being vulnerable, living your life in such a way that you can be questioned and corrected by others because you are honest and open about what is going on in your heart. I think this is particularly important in the areas of our lives where we are leaders and have influence over others whether that's at home, in the Church or in the workplace. I was at a conference recently and I heard a leader say something like this: "When we learn to be vulnerable we create a safe space around us as leaders. People find it's ok to not be ok." I think that's awesome! I used to believe that if you're the one in charge it's important to maintain the illusion of control and I think there's an element of truth in that but I don't think it's the whole story. Whenever you have someone in charge who appears to be perfect a culture of performance can quickly develop around them as everyone under them tries to be perfect too. People are empowered and released when leaders demonstrate that it's possible to function in the kingdom and be accepted and used by God while you're still working with Him to sort through your mess! However if people discover that they're leaders aren't perfect and have created the illusion that they are they turn on them very quickly. We've all seen and heard about the different scandals and most of them come from a lack of vulnerability with God and with people. Ian Rossol says: "Accountability isn't just about someone pointing out your faults, it's about someone holding you to your calling." Vulnerable relationships are mutually beneficial.

     In conclusion, vulnerability when done correctly is essential having real relationships with real people. I've really only scratched the surface here and there are many important things I've missed so I'd love to hear YOUR further thoughts about it.

Thanks for reading! I really hope this helps you on your quest.