Freedom and Grace

17Now the Lord^e is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,^f are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)

Have a listen to this song before we dive in! Feel free to dance...

     FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM!!!! I've been excited to write this post for quite a while so I hope you enjoy it and that it helps provoke you to enjoy the fullness of your freedom in Christ! I've been hearing a lot of things about freedom  that I feel  misrepresent, abuse or cheapen it which have upset me and I'd like to address some of those things but most of all I hope to paint a picture of the true nature of the freedom that was won for us at the cross! Of course that sounds like I think I have all the answers and I don't so please read with discernment and go to the Word, Berean style (Acts 17:11) There is plenty of opportunity for offence in here so I pray that you hear His heart over my words. Enjoy : )

     I was thinking about the phrase "Freedom in Christ" the other day and just pondering what it really meant. I believe that freedom in Christ is a precious and invaluable gift we have been given and so I really want to use it to its fullest and steward it well! Apparently every cell in your body contains your DNA (back me up anatomy people) which is the written code of what makes up your physical body. If I were to take a cell from anywhere in your body and was able to read your DNA I'd be able to tell not only that that cell belongs to you but from it I'd also be able to tell you other things such as your eye colour and your blood type etc. I feel like I'm over-stepping the boundaries of my biological knowledge with this analogy now so I guess what I notice first about this freedom is that it is IN Christ and I think that is essential to really getting the nature of it. Our repentance and faith in Jesus that we received by grace separated us from our old life as God gave us new life placing us in Christ. Anything that is found in Christ is going to filled with His DNA, His genetic makeup, in essence His attitudes and values. That includes us and our freedom. I believe that our freedom in Christ is first a freedom from the law of sin and death (meaning that we are no longer bound to sin and separated from God but rather we have been freed from sin and returned to our relationship with God, reconciled) and secondly a freedom to become like Him. As He was free from sin, He has made us free from sin also by sacrificing Himself in our place. When we die to ourselves we live in His life and He lives His life in us and through us. Basically this just means that we walk, talk and act more like Jesus. 

     There's a tradition in a lot of secondary or high schools to pull some sort of prank when you are leaving and about to move on to the next stage of your education. I don't think I've ever heard a story where all of the final year students came in on their last day to hug their teachers, give them gifts and thank them for their hard work and sacrifice. Typically cunning acts of sabotage and theft occur with either humorous or costly results. Liberated from the school rules, the students' true feelings towards the school and the teachers are quickly exposed and displayed. The freedom that Christ gives us is a gift that keeps on giving because it exposes what's really going on in our hearts so that with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can deal with it. When we respond to our freedom in ways that don't reflect the beauty of the nature of Jesus it should set off some alarm bells and cause us to question what's going on in our hearts and what is our true value of Him. Paul addresses this a bit, replying to something someone had said to him about their freedom in Christ.

     “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.

1Corinthians 6:12 (ESV)

I think it can be very tempting to act according to the flesh and then justify it by claiming freedom in Christ. Personally I think that is one of the most offensive things a Christian can do. I think it is an abuse and a mockery of the grace of God in Christ who died to free us from obeying the flesh. It's wilfully going against our new nature of righteousness, hurting the heart of God and then trying to use God's gift of freedom in Christ to excuse our behaviour. Before you envision me on a high horse, I have done it too. But it is NOT ok! If my "freedom in Christ" leads me to give authority to carnality and fleshly desires in my life, maybe I need to consider what it means to be dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus (Rom 6:11). If my "freedom in Christ" leads me to act more like the world, maybe I need a greater experience of who He is and what He is like (1John 2:6). If my "freedom in Christ" leads me to do less for the Lord and more for myself, maybe I need to check if I have any faith at all (James 2:26) If my "freedom in Christ" leads me back into slavery to sin, maybe I need to check the best-before date or make a complaint to whoever sold it to me. 
Our freedom in Christ is supposed to empower us, not take away our responsibility. 

     Our life in Christ is an altogether new life. It's not about giving new life to our old self but instead putting our old self to death and bringing forth a new self that is just like Jesus (2Cor 3:18). I don't really want to get into sanctification but I'll just say that life as a Christian is about uncovering what Christ is like and therefore who He has made us to be. This means that each day I look, think, speak and act less like my old self and more like Him. When we abuse freedom we preach a false Christ and a false gospel that essentially says "Come to Jesus as you are and stay as you are. His love is unconditional so just accept Him then you can do whatever you want and still go to heaven." I believe this is an incredibly damaging perversion of the message of grace because it robs the cross of its power and the kingdom of the King's purpose. Salvation is not just about escaping hell and punishment but it is being delivered from the power of sin  not just in action but right down to the level of thought and intent until my heart becomes like Eden where I can walk in intimacy with God in unbroken communion. The gospel promises a change of heart as well as eternal destination. Our King desires His people be transformed into a kingdom of priests (Rev 1:4-6) who reflect and project the holiness of God to the world (1Peter 1:15-16). 

     I had a friend when I was a teenager (who is still a much loved and valued friend today) who used to challenge me very directly on how my life was matching up with the life God had called me to in the Scriptures. I remember one occasion where she asked me what I thought of Ephesians 5:4 (go check it out) At the time I'd been hanging around with a group of Christians who frequently engaged in coarse jokes and rude films and would tell others to "lighten up" if their behaviour was challenged. Freedom for some of us has become a shield that we use to protect our sinful or immoral practices from the wisdom and counsel of others. It's not easy to have our lifestyle challenged by other people especially in a world where relativism and individual autonomy is glorified. This way of thinking and living can creep into the Church and cause us to recoil in offence when someone questions our actions or our way of life even if they are straight from Scripture and the heart of God. Grace is and always will be an outrageous truth about God and our relationship with Him. When describing it to the Romans, Paul had to emphasise that the power and availability of grace didn't mean we should continue to sin (Rom 6:1+15) Grace isn't a licence to live in sin, it's a licence to kill it! 

     Swearing, initiating or enjoying dirty humour, getting drunk and having sex outside marriage have probably been the most common things that I've heard Christians try to justify using freedom and grace but if I use my freedom in Christ to act like the world who benefits? I don't because I stop being conformed to His image. They don't because I show them a lifestyle that is just like theirs and either they jump on the bandwagon of half-hearted consecration that leads to death (Rev 3:16)or they reject my hippy Jesus altogether because clearly He has no power to transform and there's no real difference between life with Him and life without Him. Jesus definitely doesn't benefit because the people He wants to know Him end up with a warped view of who He is.  Paul makes it pretty clear when He says that living by the flesh leads to death but living by the Spirit leads to life. In Romans 8:13 Paul tells us that living by the Spirit actually means killing sin, so life in the Spirit is a life of uprooting sinful attitudes and behaviours by the power and grace of the Holy Spirit to make room for the seeds of the oaks righteousness (Isaiah 61:3)that is continually being unveiled in us. There is a higher call! If our freedom is leading us into being conformed to the ways of the world, we're in trouble! (Rom 12:2) We tend to be led into cycles of bondage or addiction where we don't utilise our self-control that exists within our freedom and it begins to wither. It's important to remember that a clean conscience and a seared conscience are not the same thing. A clean conscience has conversed and agreed with the Holy Spirit that all is well in our thoughts and motives. A seared conscience has become numb to the voice and promptings of the Lord through continued disobedience or through our desire to do something being greater than our desire to please the Lord. 

     Just because you "feel at peace about it" doesn't mean it's ok. The fact that God hasn't directly spoken to you about it doesn't mean it's ok. I'd soon find myself in jail if a police officer came round to my crack den to arrest me and I told him "It's ok, I feel like this ok for me to do. I feel at peace about it." If you're in a place where no one can bring challenge or correction into your life unless you agree with them, you're in trouble. As Kris Vallotton says, "the very nature of deception is that you don't know you're deceived." 


     Celebrating freedom in Christ is a beautiful thing! I had a friend text me once to tell me that he was struggling with lust and temptation to look at porn and he wanted me to pray with him. We then had a text convo backwards and forwards just laughing at the idea of him giving in to a defeated foe! We laughed at the thought of him succumbing to temptation when his default is righteousness. We laughed at the idea of him choosing lesser pleasure over Divine pleasure. The temptation went away and he just went to sleep haha. FREEDOM!! There was a time when he was "bound" to sin. It was inevitable. But now he has been "unbound" by the ultimate Freedom Fighter! And for the rest of us there was a time when we were hell-bound but now we've been set free and whom the sets free is free indeed!! (John 8:36) I am free to pray for the sick and see them healed!! I am free to show supernatural love to my enemies in the face of persecution!! I am free to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength!! I am free to experience a relationship of intimacy and obedience with the God who can see all of time, past present and future without even moving His eyes! ("God's Pursuit of Man" - A.W Tozer) I'm so free!! I'm free to love the poor to the point of personal loss because I know that God will provide what I need. Go and find your favourite songs about freedom in Christ and have a rave! Or maybe just sit and think about what He has saved you from and thank Him. 



Jesus you stood alone and took on sin to become our great Saviour! Thank you Lord! Without you were are dead and we are nothing. Thank you for sharing your life with us and making us sons and daughters of God. Thank you for filling us with Your Spirit and daily making us more like you. Help us to desire to see more of our lives given over to You and Your kingdom. Help us not settle for second best or mediocre. Show us how beautiful you are so that the things of the world pale in comparison and we don't want to hold on to them. We want to be salt and light in the world, fully representing you, Your freedom and Your grace.
Amen

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings : ) 

Understanding Forgiveness: Part 4 - The Unoffended Heart

Check out part 3...
http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/understanding-forgiveness-part-3.html  

God has been teaching me about the principle of an unoffended heart. This is a heart that regardless of past disappointments and hurts still remains open and bursting with love. The owner of an unoffended heart is not a weak-willed, attention-starved desperate individual but rather a person who is stronger than most of us in being able to see past offences and loving the people behind them. I am convinced that an offended heart is prone to cultivating unforgiveness as well as isolation and loneliness. People who often feel inexplicably lonely in the presence of many friends are likely to have an area of unforgiveness that they are yet to deal with. I believe an unoffended heart is nothing short of supernatural and requires the intervention of God to produce. An unoffended heart will keep the door open even after someone has brought in their muddy shoes. The spirit of the age says those who bare the burden of unforgiveness can never trust again but the Spirit of Christ says "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28) He who prayed for the forgiveness of those who stripped him, beat him, humiliated him and nailed him to a cross is the only One capable of giving us a heart that returns evil with good and hatred with love (Romans 12:21).

Father I pray that you would teach us to love selflessly and outrageously and forgive immediately out of the overflow of an unoffended heart that has known Your unconditional love.

Understanding Forgiveness: Part 3 - Unforgiveness

Part 2...
http://tony-campbell.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/understanding-forgiveness-part-2-paying.html

Unforgiveness is seen as completely justifiable in today's society. We can all probably identify something that is fine not to forgive someone for or at least to delay forgiveness for. Think of a big furry dog covered in mud (weird I know) walking around inside a nice white house. Everytime it enters a room it's only a matter of time before it  does the standard crazy-dog-shake and dirt goes absolutely everywhere! I understand unforgiveness as being like this. As Christians each one of us is a temple of the Holy Spirit and God lives in us (1Corinthians 3:16) making us more like Jesus by renewing our minds (Romans 12:2). Unforgiveness is like inviting that paint-covered dog into the house. It will start in the front room and shake around until the room looks different, dirtier. It will eventually move into the next room and do the same, changing the appearance of the room. If unforgiveness goes unchecked in our lives it begins to twist and change our perceptions. We develop trust issues, become paranoid. As a result we isolate ourselves and build defense mechanisms to prevent ourselves from being vulnerable or hurt again. I believe that one of the main tactics of the devil in taking people down is isolation. In the beginning God said it is not good for Man to be alone (Gen 2:18) and the enemy knows that our faith can fail us in the absence of community and encouragement. If you want to know the areas of your life where the devil may be attacking you, have a look at where you're being separated from people who are positive influences on you. Anyway, unforgiveness is an intruder in the house of God and when detected it should be cast out immediately! Unforgiveness ruins lives. What if we all cast unforgiveness out of our hearts? Why don't we?

Check out part 4...
http://tony-campbell.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/understanding-forgiveness-part-4.html

Understanding Forgiveness: Part 2 - Paying the Cost

Part 1...
http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/understanding-forgiveness-part-1-free.html

I reckon one of the reasons we don't see forgiveness that way is because we miss one of the main components of forGIVEness. It involves giving! Most of our attitudes towards forgiveness are passive and so we wait to receive an apology so that we can take the offense we've stored in our heart and "let it go". I believe forgiveness is not the passive letting go of an offended heart but the rejection of the pain of the offense in exchange for love which is then poured out on the offender whether they are sorry or not. Forgiveness is a gift and the best gifts are undeserved. We also often see forgiveness as a bargaining chip "If you do this, I'll forgive you". In this case, forgiveness is no longer a gift but actually becomes payment and the person receiving it becomes fully deserving of it. The virtue of the giver is lost. Forgiveness is supposed to cost us something. That's what giving is. Sacrifice. As Christians we understand that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8) and therein lies the beauty of our salvation and the divine model for forgiveness! What if we sought to model this forgiveness to the world? Why don't we?

Check out part 3...
http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/understanding-forgiveness-part-3.html

Understanding Forgiveness: Part 1 - The Free Gift

I've been at Bible College for a year and one of the biggest lessons God has been teaching me (which isn't a subject in school) is about forgiveness particularly as it applies to Christians but also more widely. I think one of the first things He opened my eyes to is the fact any Christian who withholds forgiveness doesn't understand it. By virtue of being a Christian we give up our right to withhold forgiveness from anyone who wrongs us as our lives were saved by One who laid down everything so that forgiveness could become available to us. As living perfection Jesus had every right to both judge and condemn us but instead He chose to lay His life down so that we could have the Father's forgiveness. Think about a time when you've come to knock on a door and someone opens it before you manage to. I think that forgiveness should be like that. Forgiveness is not a response to an apology but a change of heart in the name of love that occurs following an offense. The death of Jesus has made the forgiveness of God the Father available to the those who turn from their own ways to His and so as soon as someone repents (raises their hands to knock on the door) the forgiveness of God bursts out over them in a flood of love and grace washing away the offense (the door swings open and a warm embrace waits on the other side). What would happen if we saw forgiveness that way? Why don't we?

Check out part 2...http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/understanding-forgiveness-part-2-paying.html

Dealing with Rejection

I think rejection effects most of us on lots of different levels to different degrees. Rejection and its effects can last a lifetime, creating a new lifestyle for us and so its presence will definitely affect our relationships with each other. I guess we should start with the question: "What is rejection?" We experience a negative feeling  in a moment where we believe that something of our personhood e.g. our presence, our ideas or our affection are undesired by another or a group. When we're young this often shapes the way we view the world and causes us to want to protect ourselves from experiencing that feeling again. So the way I'm describing it, rejection is a spirit (or a mindset) of "unwantedness" that colours our perceptions of life and relationships with others. 

When this happens early on in life it has the potential to define our personality and our self-perception. People who succumb to rejection can develop a low level of self esteem and personal value because that is the message they have received from other people. Believing this to be true about themselves, they adopt a lifestyle to match that self-image which can take many forms, some which are hard to see and others which are blindingly obvious. Maybe we no longer try to make friends because we don't believe anyone would want to be our friend. Maybe we stop putting our hand up in class because we were laughed at by the class or by the teacher. Maybe we start stalking the one person who showed us kindness, spending hours on their facebook page, texting and calling them at all hours to try and feel close to someone again.

 Rejection can enter our lives in a very small way to start with but when we continue to agree with its lies to us (yup LIES) that we are of no value, we allow its power to grow and spread to other areas of our lives. It creates a new lens of logic and deduction for us to check out the world with. Here's an example. Let's say I'm in secondary school (high school if you're american) and I confidently raise my hand to answer the teacher's question, certain that I've got it right. The whole class including the teacher erupts into laughter when I give my hilariously inaccurate answer. Rejection whispers to me "don't put your hand up any more, you have nothing to offer to these people." I agree. How about this. Someone in the class has a party at the weekend and everyone receives an invite apart from me. In reality my invitation has been left somewhere for me but Rejection says "You're not invited because you're not wanted." I think to myself, well Rejection has been right so far so I don't ask if I am invited or not. Throughout my life I can then follow this pattern of behaviour. I never put any of my new ideas forward in the workplace, I never ask a group if I can hang out with them. To people on the outside it may seem as though I'm just "shy" or "quiet" when  actually I'm a prisoner of Rejection, trapped in a self-built cage of loneliness. (Just to be clear I'm not saying that everyone who is shy or quiet struggles with rejection)

Rejection either makes us distance ourselves from people or it causes us to latch on to anyone who gets close to us, neither of which are healthy behaviour. Distancing ourselves may not just be physical distance e.g. sitting alone hiding behind a book but it can also include keeping our distance emotionally or in our personality with people which means that we're never honestly ourselves with people. Rejection is therefore the enemy of true Freedom and is rooted in Fear which is the enemy of Love. These two working together keep us from receiving the love we need from God and from others because most of us only accept the love we believe we deserve. Rejection also partners with Insecurity ensuring that we're only ever fully ourselves around people who are like us. This is how a lot of exclusive groups and cliques form (not just the "cool kids" but the "uncool" ones too). When Rejection has a voice in our lives we feel uncomfortable around people who aren't like us and perhaps we tone down certain aspects of our personality in those situations or act like we just don't care at all. Rejection is the enemy of integrity which is our ability to live on the outside who we are on the inside. Rejection eats at our integrity and gives birth to compromise in our lives by making us put on a false self. We find any external evaluation of ourselves uncomfortable or even scary so we pretend that we don't care what others think of us or we try really hard to impress people so they don't reject us. A classic example is the child hanging out with the friends of an older sibling. They will try hard to be liked and to be cool, pretending to not be scared of watching horror films or climbing into the garden with the huge dog.

The loneliness that accompanies Rejection can make us VERY sensitive to affection and so the second we meet someone who is nice to us or who listens to us or who tells us something positive about ourselves, we immediately try to form a concrete bond with them in the hope that they will never leave us and continue to feed us the love we've so desperately craved for so long! I think I see this most clearly in unhealthy teenage relationships. Rejection assaults teenagers aggressively and so there are plenty of young people (who grow into older people) who feel marooned on islands of solitude because no one "understands them". Perhaps they pretend to be happy about it, or nonchalant about it. Perhaps they've never really known anything else. Then one day a boy or girl comes along who apparently does understand them. "Oh my gosh Becky, he just gets me, you know?" "I can't explain it bro, it's just like she really sees me, you know?" Very quickly they become obsessed with this person and start their mission to lock this person into their life forever. Sometimes this person is equally lonely or has a saviour complex and this quickly develops into a very unhealthy relationship.

As we get older these sorts of relationships may not even be romantic in nature but Rejection is still the driving force. Sometimes the person being pursued is shocked by the sudden new attachment to their lives. They begin to feel uncomfortable with the level of closeness and the consistency of communication this person is trying to have with them and it begins to make them not want to be around this person. They feel drained after spending time with them and the thought of spending more time with them becomes depressing. Remember the one who is under the influence of Rejection still has little value for themselves and so they come to the relationship to take and receive, thinking that they don't really have anything to give. If the person they are pursuing withdraws from them Rejection picks up the slack quickly confirming "See, nobody values you because there is nothing to value." Rejection often justifies itself in people saying "Of course people won't like me, I'm too...or I'm not...enough." Constant self criticism, evaluation and analysis becomes normal or maybe we even ignore ourselves altogether. This can make us look really humble or even spiritual but it is actually just low self esteem on steroids.

Hopefully at this point you've been able to identify the effects of Rejection in your own life or in the lives of people you know. If not, go back and read through again and be honest with yourself. If you think you're good and Rejection has no voice whatsoever in your life then look for the benefit of others in your life. Don't force it and blow things out of proportion but instead be honest with yourself and if that is difficult ask the Lord or ask a close friend what they think (if that thought scares you, you might be on to something). I think it's very important that the presence of Rejection is recognised in our lives. Why? It will help us to recognise when we are developing unhealthy relationships with people either because they are love-starved or because we are. It will help us to recognise when fear has become a motivator in our lives to keep us away from people that can help us. But most importantly We have to deal with Rejection otherwise we can never truly love. Love involves risk and Rejection avoids it like the plague. Love empowers us to run headlong into the possibility of rejection without fear. Let's take a look at Jesus in Luke 19. He's coming into Jerusalem, overflowing with love but knowing that they are going to reject Him.

41As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it 42and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

The crazy thing to me is that He didn't stop! He knows that they are going to reject Him. He knows that they are going to mock Him. He knows that they are even going to kill Him but He pushes on, propelled by the love in His heart for people. He knows that the message He carries and the blood in His veins are of infinite, unparalleled value. True Love risks rejection and overcomes it. The only way we can overcome Rejection is by hearing the voice of the One who always accepts us and listening to what He says about us. When we allow God to speak His love and value over us and let it permeate our hearts, minds and emotions, it reveals the truth of who we are and strengthens us to live from a place of security (I'd like to write about insecurity soon) instead of trying to get to one through all sorts of avenues.

The presence of Rejection in our lives is not ok. It gives us a cracked lens to see the world through and warps our perception of our relationships with other people. It is a controlling influence in our lives that desires to keep us out of healthy connections with people that are mutually beneficial and uplifting. It can rob us of our identity and cause us to live life as a performance as someone else. It starves us of love, making us emotionally callous or uncomfortably desperate to touch others which can drive them away. Rejection wants to trap us in such cycles. Freedom from Rejection is a must! When we live free from rejection we are able to let others judge us, hearing and considering their thoughts without letting their judgements harm us.

Father thank you for Your love. Thank you Lord that You know us best and You love us most. Help us to value ourselves and each other by the standard of Your love. We break agreement with Rejection and its lies about us and we receive Your truth that we are loveable and valuable. Help us to draw out the good that You've breathed into us and to display it to others for Your glory. We receive Your love in the name of Jesus.
Amen.

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Thanks for reading

My friend Caleb Meakins is subjecting himself to 40 Days of Rejection to help him overcome his fear of rejection and inspire others to do the same. Check his hilarious videos and blog here: http://my40days.co.uk/

"I Bruise Easily..."

This is a post I've been waiting to write for a while. I really hope it helps you and brings you freedom.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:6 (NIV)

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
Genesis 3:9 (NIV)

     I've gotten quite passionate about vulnerability in the last year. I looked up the origin of the word vulnerable and it comes from the same word as "wound". Vulnerability is basically the ability to be wounded or harmed. I'm currently on a quest (I prefer the word quest to journey because it has a definite purpose and just sounds more exciting!) learning about the power and significance of vulnerability in my life and how it is linked to true love, true intimacy and true freedom. I'm not talking about being the scrawny kid who gets picked on because he can't defend himself. I'm talking more about the decision to make yourself vulnerable to God and to others. I'm saying that vulnerability is not a weakness but a display of strength. I was thinking one day about whether or not God is vulnerable because we're (Christians) supposed to act like Him right? I was struck with the thought that Jesus modelled vulnerability to the max by setting aside Heaven and His immortality to come close to us. Close enough for us to touch Him with our hands. Close enough for us to kill Him. While He was on the Earth even though He knew all of His disciples would abandon Him, He brought them close to Him (Mark 14:27). He even made Judas the betrayer a disciple and allowed Him to share in His incredible life for 3 years!! Jesus' example of vulnerability shows that it is a risk because of what people are like but it's also completely necessary to have real depth in any relationship.

     I'll explain a little more of what I mean by vulnerability because clearly I'm not saying "hey let's all go hang out with people we think might want us dead..." By vulnerability I mean opening our hearts, our thoughts and emotions to people and giving them the power to analyse and accept, reject or correct them. It's about living your life in such a way that those close to you can see into your heart and express to you what they think about it. I find this can be the scariest thing in the world but it's completely necessary if I want to have real relationships with real people. Without this my relationships remain superficial and I can never really connect on a deeper level. I firmly believe that Intimacy doesn't exist without vulnerability.

     When I was a kid my brother and I used to break things quite regularly. We were pretty hyper kids so we'd be climbing all over everything and swinging from everything and throwing everything around! Eventually the inevitable would happen and we'd have to find a way to fix it or hide it before our parents returned home. We actually got better and better at this as we got older! When it comes to worship and encountering God vulnerability is again completely essential. I've definitely had times in my life where I've tried to come to sing to God in church or wherever when in my heart I've been doing everything I can to make sure He doesn't see that issue or that attitude I'm trying to hide from Him because "I know what He'll say." I want to try and fix it myself or just hide it from Him and distract Him with my loud singing. As a result I would go a long time never really connecting with God. My thoughts about myself would change because I wouldn't be making room in my heart to listen to what He was saying about me. My thoughts about Him would change too and become warped. It's like trying to keep track of a friend's life through facebook without actually speaking to them! You get a distorted image. When I would eventually come to Him and lay my heart open and be honest about all that I was going through and make a conscious decision to verbalise it to Him (even though I know He knows) it would make room for Him to step in and do something. It's just quitting pretending that I don't know He sees it anyway and giving Him the freedom to say what He wants to say to me about it and to help me deal with it. This is where Proverbs 27:6 comes in. What greater friend is there than Him? He may have to wound me where necessary e.g. in my pride in order to cut out what is damaging to me but I know that He will build me up and encourage me, replacing lies I've believed with His truth and wash me clean with His word. I like to call this open-heart surgery : )

     In  1Samuel 19, Saul tries to kill David but comes into the presence of God and ends up stripping off his armour and prophesying all day and all night. I believe this is like an example for us of what can happen when we come into God's presence. We remove our armour and the things we use to protect ourselves and make us appear strong and we surrender to His unrelenting love and choose to speak only what He says about us all day and all night. This is true worship. When we come before Him as we are, warts and all but choose to say what He says and see what He sees. As we experience His love and His forgiveness it drives us into a deeper place of worship where even more healing and building up can be done. When Adam sinned and hid himself God called to him and asked him where he was at. This was God offering Adam the opportunity to be vulnerable and so restore intimacy to their relationship. Adam started off well "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." but he then shifted the blame to God and to Eve "The woman YOU put here with here with me..." God is always offering us the chance to live in intimacy with Him through vulnerability. Let's come to Him without excuses and lay our hearts open before Him knowing that the One who knows us best loves us most.

     In the song "I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Beddingfield she makes a pretty deep statement that reminds us that our vulnerability should be guided by wisdom: "Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you."  I know plenty of people who've been hurt by being open with people in the past and as a result no longer want to. The trouble is our vulnerability actually protects us in the long run.I really want to emphasise how important it is for us to have intimate relationships that are guided by wisdom. If we throw our hearts open to anyone and everyone we meet we'll end up with a lot of wounds that are unnecessary and unhelpful and we may then become bitter towards the thought of being vulnerable at all. I should also say however that a resistance to being vulnerable with people can also come from a place of simply wanting to do what you want as Proverbs 18:1 says: "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement."

     Think about Jesus and His disciples. He followed everywhere by crowds but He had His specially selected 12. Within the 12 he had His specially selected 3, Peter James and John. When Jesus was going to be betrayed He told all the disciples to pray but He took Peter James and John further on into the garden to pray and then it says that He then displayed what was really in His heart (Matthew 26:37) Having people in our lives that we can be completely open and honest with is huge! These should be people who over time have demonstrated that they're committed to our well-being and our personal and spiritual development and not just telling us that we're right all the time. People that will challenge us in love and help us to stay in humility. I think it's important to partner with the Holy Spirit and ask Him who He has put in our lives for this purpose and to pursue them!

     As I mentioned Jesus' vulnerability and His closeness to us also meant that we could kill Him but it also meant that people could come close enough to touch Him and be healed! Vulnerability also makes it possible for us to share the good things that are in us with other people! It's really important that we are vulnerable with people in our lives as well as with God partly because they well enable to see things with their added perspective and different experiences of life but also because the good things that God has put in our hearts flow out when we make ourselves vulnerable. Accountability is a buzz word that gets thrown around in the Christian world a lot but essentially it means being vulnerable, living your life in such a way that you can be questioned and corrected by others because you are honest and open about what is going on in your heart. I think this is particularly important in the areas of our lives where we are leaders and have influence over others whether that's at home, in the Church or in the workplace. I was at a conference recently and I heard a leader say something like this: "When we learn to be vulnerable we create a safe space around us as leaders. People find it's ok to not be ok." I think that's awesome! I used to believe that if you're the one in charge it's important to maintain the illusion of control and I think there's an element of truth in that but I don't think it's the whole story. Whenever you have someone in charge who appears to be perfect a culture of performance can quickly develop around them as everyone under them tries to be perfect too. People are empowered and released when leaders demonstrate that it's possible to function in the kingdom and be accepted and used by God while you're still working with Him to sort through your mess! However if people discover that they're leaders aren't perfect and have created the illusion that they are they turn on them very quickly. We've all seen and heard about the different scandals and most of them come from a lack of vulnerability with God and with people. Ian Rossol says: "Accountability isn't just about someone pointing out your faults, it's about someone holding you to your calling." Vulnerable relationships are mutually beneficial.

     In conclusion, vulnerability when done correctly is essential having real relationships with real people. I've really only scratched the surface here and there are many important things I've missed so I'd love to hear YOUR further thoughts about it.

Thanks for reading! I really hope this helps you on your quest.

Wounds from a Friend

     Continuing on the theme of people in the Church being real with each other, I'd like to bring up another issue that I've noticed in myself that keeps me from growing and perhaps someone else will be able to relate.

     I'm finding that if someone challenges me on something I do or say, sometimes I can be lightning quick at shooting down their challenge with my laser-guided, razor sharp justifications! Unfortunately for the person bringing the challenge, they just haven't realised how perfect and flawless I am yet (go back and read that with a tone of sarcasm) so it's my job to explain to them that the weakness they think they've seen is actually one of my greatest strengths and the problem is their flawed perception! (if you stopped reading in the sarcastic tone, go back and keep it going up to here) Still don't know what I mean? Maybe an example will help*:

Friend: "Hey Bob I was hoping I'd catch you today, I just wanted to share a little something with you because you know I love you and I feel like I should point out something you might not be aware of."

Bob: "Of course friend, you know I love and appreciate your wisdom in my life. What is it?"

Friend: "Well I've noticed that you have a bit of a habit of talking a lot about people when they're not there and speculating as to what is going on in their life. I've seen you do this on a number of occasions and some were particularly harsh and negative. I know you wouldn't do this intentionally but I think you have a problem with gossiping." 

Bob: "Haha! I'm so glad you brought this up! I can totally see where you're coming from but let me explain. You see I'm just a very caring person and so I care what's going on in other people's lives. I also have the gift of discernment so I can usually tell what's happening in others' lives. I'm an external processor so I have to think out loud so talking to people helps me to think. So you see there's nothing to worry about."

Friend: "..."

Bob: "I'm glad we were able to clear that up. This was a good chat."

    Any of that sound familiar? Now I'm not saying that Bob's response couldn't hold an element of truth in it, I just wanted to expose what the surface level of this issue could look and sound like. Bob is likely to start conversations with "I probably shouldn't tell you this but..." or "I'm only telling you this so don't tell anyone but..." Bob clearly has an issue with gossip but he's learned how to dress it up in Christian terms so that he doesn't have to recognise or deal with it and he may even convince his friend of this so the challenge won't be repeated. In fact the more he does it the easier it gets as his conscience gets "seared" leading to a deadening of his conviction (1Tim 4:2) to avoid gossip.

I'll try another example.

Friend: "Don't take this the wrong way Terry but I think  you are quite aggressive and controlling in group settings. It's like we always have to do what you want to do or you get into a mood or try to make us feel bad."

Terry: "Come on Friend, don't be such a wimp! You know what I'm like, I'm just a passionate and decisive person! So much of the time everybody is just faffing around, someone needs to make a decision so I do. I don't always have to have my way.

Friend: "Last week you said if we didn't play Articulate you were going to leave."

Terry: "I was just joking..."

Friend: "You sulked in the kitchen the rest of the night... Was that a joke too?"

Terry: "Well Articulate was just better than all the other options."

     Does any of that sounds familiar? When Terry's friend has tried to point out a weakness (aggressive and controlling), Terry has turned it round into an apparent strength (passionate and decisive). Terry's behaviour at the party is the sort of behaviour you'd expect from a toddler but his ability to cover it over with excuses makes it difficult for his friend to get through to him how he is making people feel.

     I think that we all have weaknesses and our ability to recognise those weakness in ourselves or when others bring them up is key to us being able to grow together as a church community (or human beings if you're reading this and you're not a Christian). I think we need to never get beyond the point where we're willing to have people challenge our behaviour and thoughtfully consider what they say and ask the Holy Spirit to help us take a proper look at ourselves. Becoming more like Jesus is a team sport! This takes a massive amount of humility and maturity especially if it's not brought in the way you'd prefer. God sometimes challenges our humility and maturity by sending messages through means that we don't like. For further information see the way Israel's prophets spoke to them... Proverbs 27:6 says that you can trust wounds from trusted friends. I totally believe that and I champion close friendships that are raw and honest and real. However I think we can go too far with that and start to close our ears to anyone who isn't a close and trusted friend and keep them from speaking into our lives and highlighting our behaviour. After all our friends won't always be right. We can be tempted to hide away in an ivory tower and surround ourselves with friends that we know love us but that we also know largely agree with us and perhaps trap ourselves and end up protecting ourselves from receiving truth which of course is stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying let's have everybody speaking into everybody else's lives. There will be times when people bring us challenges out of the blue who have little or no relationship with us and instead of writing them off straight away thinking "They don't know me" "They've got major issues so they couldn't possibly see clearly enough to judge me" we'll need to be in a place where we can hear them out with true wisdom and discernment and the input of others. I am saying that we should be approachable. I went through a time in my life where no one would confront me because I gave off a vibe that a) I am pretty perfect and b) You aren't nearly spiritual enough to challenge me. I'm still on a journey of breaking that down but I'm feeling the benefits of opening my life up to people who know God and love me to take a look at how my heart matches up with my actions! I really love and value the people in my life who do that for me, even when I don't respond too positively. I think remembering that God speaks through people will really help us in this.

     There's also a responsibility on those bringing challenges to be bursting at the seams with grace and love so that they do all that is in their power to ensure that a word of correction is well-received. I've heard a lot of people (including myself) bring direct and accusative challenges to other brothers or sisters under the banner of "tough love" expecting people to listen to them and change. In the second above example, Terry was likely to feel somewhat under attack from the way his friend challenged him and that put him on the defensive. Danny Silk, an american minister would say that the goal of any confrontation among friends should be intimacy or in-to-me-you-see. That is, in challenging one another's behaviour our first objective should be to allow the other person to see how their behaviour is affecting us (or others) on the inside. A simple way to think about this is not starting our sentences with "YOU". "You are selfish and evil." But rather starting them with "I". "I feel like sometimes you make yourself and what you want more important than me and that hurts." This means we are accepting that our perception might not fully reflect reality but we're showing it to our friend who we believe cares how we feel and allowing them to process it. (Gents this isn't going to win you any MANLY MAN OF THE YEAR awards in the world but you'll definitely be a candidate for sonship in Matthew 5:9)

     Lastly I think remembering that no-one has it altogether keeps us from being afraid of exposing our weaknesses to ourselves and to others. I think this requires real wisdom and restraint because it can be very easy to begin a pity party where all you ever talk about is your weaknesses. That's not healthy or fun... for anyone. Acknowledging that we have weaknesses without joining with the Holy Spirit to put work towards them isn't helpful either. I've found it hugely liberating and empowering to discover that other people in the Church have issues that they're still working through and God still loves them, speaks to them and uses them! Without making a parade out of it I think exposing our weaknesses also encourages others to work through theirs. I heard a guy called Christen Forster say something like "When we hide from God we hide from ourselves, when we hide from ourselves we hide from each other and then we end up thinking we're pretty righteous." I have to stress that this is a community project! We can't do this alone. The presence of God in our lives is supposed to produce the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. It's fruit for other people to enjoy! You can't be kind by yourself, kindness is designed to work in relation to others and the same goes for the rest. We need this. I need this and sometimes it's scary. Let's not run from truth and transformation because we don't like the packaging it came in. See the Pharisees for further details and let's encourage and empower each other to grow and become more like Jesus by challenging and building one another up with boundless grace.

Final thought: "Accountability is not just someone pointing out your faults, it's about someone holding you to your calling." - Ian Rossol

If you found this helpful, do have a read of the post "Let's Be Honest" for further thoughts on this area. I'd love to hear some feedback from you on your thoughts and feelings if it's encouragement or criticism : )
http://peoplebeingreal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/lets-be-honest.html

End Notes
*You may never have seen, heard or had a conversation like this before where a friend is honest enough to confront you. Ask yourself a few questions. 1) Am I perfect? 2) Do I have good friends? 3) Am I scary? The answers might help you figure out if 1) You're Jesus 2) You have people around you who care more about you than they do your friendship 3) You give people the impression that they able to challenge you without being attacked themselves. 

"Let's Be Honest...you're stupid!"

John 1:14 - "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Proverbs 16:24 - "Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body."

     I'm trying to think of a better opening line than "They say honesty is the best policy" but I really can't so just imagine I wrote something really profound and slightly amusing. Truth is, it is!! So much of what goes wrong in our relationships with each other comes from an inability to be honest and open about what's going on with us. When people hurt us or annoy us we have a tendency to do one of two things: conceal it and ignore it it or express it through our behaviour instead of communicating it through our words. We might try to excuse ourselves by saying we don't trust ourselves to use words but that may be a bit of a cop out. What we actually mean is we want the right to stay offended as long as we want and we want to secretly punish the other person without them being able to do anything about it. It can be hard to find the right words to bring correction or a challenge to someone and so changing our behaviour is often the easy option. Maybe we avoid them at school. Maybe we give them the cold shoulder at work or the silent treatment in the house or another weapon of choice. WE NEED TO TALK!! However I don't actually think that what we say is the issue, I think it's more about what's going on in our hearts. The mouth says what fills the heart right? (Luke 6:45)

    I love the way John describes Jesus as being full of grace and truth. He brought truth which is honesty but he wasn't just filled with truth. The word grace there is also the word for kindness and I think this is where we can learn a lot about how to be honest with one another. Sometimes we decide to be harsh and "honest" with people who've crossed us and we call it honesty, being real or even "tough love". Often this is just an excuse for losing our temper, giving up our responsibility to control ourselves and hitting someone where we know it will hurt. I do think love needs to be the starting place for everything we do including our honesty but the way we deal in honesty needs to be intentional and not flippant. When honesty shoots out of us from a place of frustration it often misses the mark and can do real damage. Proverbs 27:6 says that wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy so if we're wielding the sword of truth it needs to be tempered and guided by love. We can't afford to bring "truth" to the hearts of our friends or anyone else out of our frustration. Kingdom honesty is not simply the constant display of internal emotions. Our emotions need be kept in check and we've been given all the power, love and self-control we need to do that (2Tim 1:7).


Before we decide to be "honest" with someone that we have an issue with I think checking the state of our hearts is pretty important. Being honest for honesty's sake is not nearly as good as being honest for the sake of love. I often find I want to be "honest" with someone to get them off my back about something or simply because they're bothering me. In such cases my desire for honesty isn't for the development of that person's life but rather for my own selfishness and comfort. My "honesty" therefore is more likely to come out sharply and with little thought or consideration of the feelings of others and it doesn't bring peace to the person I'm sharing it with.

I really believe that the principle of honesty does not negate our personal responsibility to exercise self-control to temper what we say with love and with wisdom. In Romans 12:18 Paul says "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." so there comes a point where we can't be responsible for the reactions of others but we have plenty of power to present our honesty fully and completely but with grace to bring peace instead of conflict. Honesty should always be allowed to marinate in love before it is served. It tastes better, it goes down easier and it leaves people wanting more. Although we may sometimes have the right to rebuke people or command them to do something, I think we can all learn a lesson from Philemon who said "Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love." (Philemon 1:8-9)

Kingdom honesty is an act of love and a means of grace for spiritual growth and relational development. Let's figure out how to do it right and build each other up.

Thanks for reading.